"Sunshine on my Shoulders"
by CaptKris

Historians Note:

If you have not seen the 2nd season episode, "Resolutions," this story will not make sense. Briefly, in the episode, Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay were infected with a lethal virus that forced them to build a new life on a planet. Janeway ordered Tuvok and her crew not to seek the Vidiians' help even though they probably had a cure.

What would have happened if Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay had not been rescued in "Resolutions?"

...
Stardate 49690.4
...
"A boat!" Kathryn Janeway exclaimed. The nearby river had always intrigued her, and she wanted to learn more about the other inhabitants of this planet.
"You said you wanted to explore the river. I think I can build this," Chakotay explained.
"We could go on a camping trip," Janeway suggested. Although in childhood the prospect of camping had disgusted her, now it seemed like it would be fun.
Chakotay chuckled at her suggestion. "I'm not sure we could fit the bathtub in the boat," he said, smiling, teasing.
"That's all right," replied Janeway with an equally devilish smile. "I'll have the river."
Chakotay laughed lightly at her quick thinking and comeback. "I think that these plans will do the trick. I'm going to start building tomorrow."
"Good." Even though they had established a slightly less formal relationship, every now and then, Kathryn's captain-attitude kicked in, without a thought on the woman's part. "Perhaps I will go and see if I can find out where our monkey friend lives. I have a few hypotheses."
Chakotay rolled his eyes, almost unnoticeably. "You always have some experiment going. Don't you ever just want to relax?" She seemed to have to think about that one for a while, so he stopped her, saying, "Wait, don't answer that!" They laughed good-naturedly, momentarily disregarding the discreet discomfort that lay beneath that laugh.
...
Stardate 49891.2
...
The ensuing battle had gone on long enough, or at least that was what the Vidiians seemed to think, mused Tom Paris wryly. Voyager had been damaged beyond repair. They would never make it this time. Although they had made it through situations when they had thought that before, Paris suspected that Voyager and her crew had used up their luck long ago.
Harry Kim's announcement a few moments later confirmed his suspicion. "Captain, we're being boarded on decks 15 and 20." Paris detected anxiety in Kim's voice. He was too young to be undergoing such awful experiences.
"Seal off those decks. We're going to hold them off as long as we can, Ensign." Captain Tuvok took the most logical solution. If they couldn't hold the Vidiians off, they might as well delay them as long as possible. It would give Tuvok more time to come up with a solution, as if he had not explored every viable settlement already. He had already tried self-destruct. It had been disabled in the attack.
"Engineering to Bridge," came Lieutenant Torres' clear, strong voice over the intercom. "Vidiians are breaking though the force fields. We can't hold them off much..." A blast from a Vidiian weapon cut off the communication, and the bridge crew knew that B'Elanna Torres was dead. Any moment now, Vidiians would come bursting onto the bridge and kill them all.
That moment was not too long in coming. Captain Tuvok's only regret was that he had disobeyed his Captain's last order.
As a Vidiian commander took the captain's seat on the bridge of the Voyager, the bridge scene blended into another locale. A gentle, warm breeze blew soft grass back and forth in the wind. Two lovers let the Indiana wind blow through their hair as they sat together in a field.
"Stay with me, Kathryn," the man said. "Stay here with me forever. I will keep you safe, Kath. No one will ever hurt you again; not Seska, not the Mokra, not the Kazon, not the Vidiians. Stay with me. I love you."
But she was compelled to go, compelled to continue on her journey. "I love you too, Mark, but you know I cannot stay. I must leave for my mission."
"And if you never return?" he asked accusingly. "What happens to me then? I wait for you forever?"
"I promise to return," she said, avoiding the questions. She was being pulled from him. "I promise I'll come home." Even as the forces of the universe separated them. "I promise... I promise... I promise..."
The words drifted off into what they were; nothing; just words. But Kathryn Janeway could still hear them echoing in her mind as she awoke, tears streaming down her cheeks. She tried to stop the downpour for a moment and then realized the futility of her effort. She let herself cry quietly, as to not awaken Chakotay. It had been a long time since she had permitted herself the luxury of tears, and it actually felt good.
When the sobs had, for the most part, ceased, Kathryn rose, knowing that she could not go back to sleep, and meandered into what had been deemed the 'living room.' Not that there was much room to live in, but it needed some kind of a name.
Janeway ordered a cup of chamomile tea from the replicator. As the steaming liquid materialized on the platform, she heard a dim rustle behind her, in the direction of Chakotay's room. He had probably heard her and awakened to see what the matter was.
Indeed, he had. "Is something wrong?" he asked, the concern evident in his tone. It was, after all, about three o'clock in the morning.
"I'm fine," came the forceful reply. Janeway took the tea from the replicator but did not turn around to face her former first officer.
"Don't lie to me," he chided. "I won't allow it." For a moment, he adopted an infuriating man-of-the-house kind of tone.
Kathryn turned around slowly and was met by a gaze that was a mixture of compassion, surprise and concern as Chakotay saw her tear-stained face. "Nightmares, again," she replied curtly. "Nothing serious."
"Again?" queried Chakotay. She had never addressed him about this particular subject before. He waited patiently for her to explain.
"It wasn't so bad when we first got here, even after the equipment was destroyed. I guess there was still some hope that the Doctor would think of something that he hadn't thought of before, or that Voyager would encounter another species not too far from here that had a cure. Now though, after two months, the hope is gone. I've actually adjusted to life here, and I even like it sometimes." Janeway paused to take a deep breath. "Lately, I've had horrible nightmares," she admitted, continuing at Chakotay's questioning look. "I dream that Tuvok decided to disobey my orders and contacted the Vidiians. The whole crew dies, Vidiians taking their organs for harvest. And then I dream about Mark, promising to come home to him and not being able to keep my promise." Her voice had diminished to a whisper, and tears stung the backs of her eyelids. "It's awful."
"I'm sure Tuvok obeyed your orders. It would be the logical thing for him to do." Chakotay tried to console her, but to no avail.
"You're just trying to make me feel better!" Janeway exploded, slamming the tea down on the table and storming past him. "Well, you know what? I don't need to be made to feel better. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much." She raged into the bedroom angrily.
Chakotay looked after, shaking his head in sympathy. He knew that he could not go back to sleep now, so he mulled around the living room, drinking some tea from the replicator, working on his plans for the boat, waiting anxiously for Kathryn to return. She would be back.
Chakotay was right. In about a half an hour, she timidly left the sanctuary of her bedroom. He turned to her as she stepped into the room and saw fresh tears dancing on her cheeks. "Chakotay," she said, "I am so sorry."
"It's all right," he replied gently. "I'm afraid too, Kathryn. It's all right to be afraid."
She looked at him with a surprised expression. He had put a word to the feelings she didn't even know she had. "Afraid?" Her eyes darted around the room, and Chakotay had never seen her look as vulnerable and unsure as she did in that moment. "Yes, I guess I am afraid; afraid that Tuvok and my crew are all dead; afraid of breaking promises to Mark and my family; afraid of living the rest of my life here." She placed her head between her hands and realized that she was exhausted. She was tired of not letting that fear show, pretending to be strong all the time. So the fear had manifested itself in her dreams. That made sense now.
Chakotay took one step towards her, then two, then three. Then she felt his strong arms around her, unexpectedly, blessedly, giving her strength, showing her compassion. Janeway let her arms encircle him, and she gripped him, needing every bit of love and strength he offered. This was what she had needed; someone to hold her. This was what she had missed for the past two years. She had opened her arms to so many people recently that she hadn't had much time for herself. They remained in the embrace for a long time. Then he gently kissed her goodnight on the cheek, and they retreated to their own sanctuaries. Kathryn Janeway slept peacefully the rest of the night.
...
Stardate 50211
...
"Good morning, Kathryn," Chakotay greeted her. "Did you sleep well?" He spoke gently.
"Yes, thank you," she replied with a slight formality that had become forced recently and suddenly felt foreign. Though the thanks was for much more than his concern about her sleeping habits. Life had continued normally after their conversation about fear a few months before. The feeling of closeness seemed to come intermittently, at unexpected intervals. There was no rush.
"Good." He paused a moment to think. "Come on," he called as he moved for the door. "I have a surprise for you."
She followed him slowly into the woods. They did not go very far before they reached the river bank. Jutting out from jagged rocks and fallen trees, a wooden dock of fresh wood stood in the gently rolling river. On the end of the dock was tied a beautiful, white boat. Delicately pained on the bow of the boat was the Starfleet symbol, accompanied by the inscription 'USS Voyager.'
Janeway gasped in amazement. "Oh, Chakotay," she breathed. "It's beautiful!" She stared at his handiwork in astonishment.
He smiled. "I'm glad you like it. I was thinking that perhaps we could take our first trip in it today."
"It's a perfect day for a boat trip!" exclaimed Janeway, returning the smile. The sky radiated clear blue, and the sun was shined brightly. "We can explore the river, perhaps, and take several days to see where the river leads."
"If we're going to take so much time, we'll have to pack a few more supplies than I have here," Chakotay said, surveying briefly what he had put in the craft already.
"Well, let's do it then, Comm..." Janeway caught herself before she addressed him by his former title. She rarely made the Freudian slip, but every now and then, she slid back into command mode, and didn't even think about it. She corrected herself hurriedly, "Chakotay." He nodded curtly, and they went about their business, readying supplies for the voyage.
A few hours later, a calm, cool breeze blew gently across the tall trees, rustling their leaves. Little waves rippled from the wooden oars as they glided through the soft river water, in Chakotay's capable hands. Rowing was not too difficult for him; he was a big man; muscular, and strong, but in a quiet way.
Kathryn Janeway sat across from her Native American friend and let the light wind tousle her hair. It brushed her neck and shoulders fleetingly, like the fluffy clouds that drifted above the boat. "She sails smoothly," Janeway commented. "Just like Voyager." There was a barely discernible note of nostalgia evident in the words.
"That's why I gave her such a noble title," replied Chakotay, smiling broadly as he rowed.
Janeway sat back in her seat and threw her head back on the bow of the boat, looking up at the clear, blue sky. Suddenly, she blinked. Off in the distance, dark, threatening clouds were moving slowly towards their little boat. She sat up quickly and pointed towards the threatening mass. "Chakotay, look!" she warned.
Her sudden urgency so surprised him that he nearly dropped the oars. Before turning around, he pulled the oars briefly in and then twisted his body to see the storm. "I don't think we have time to get back to the shelter," he advised. "It's not safe to be out in the water during the storm. We'll have to bring the boat ashore and stay here until it passes over us." Chakotay began to move the craft into shore, and a worried frown creased his brow. There had been no sign of a storm when they had started out several hours before.
As they approached shore, Janeway reached out to grab a fallen tree that jutted out from the land into the water, and she helped to pull the boat into shore as the oars scraped rocky bottom. She hopped out of the boat when the bow reached shore and grabbed it to keep the craft from drifting away while Chakotay got out. The two of them pulled the boat ashore where it would be safe during the quickly approaching storm.
The wind became stronger by the minute, shoving the two humans against trees and rocks. Chakotay struggled to hold onto the tree to which he was tying the boat. He finished making the secure knot as quickly as possible, and he yelled over the din of the storm, "We need to find a shelter." He began moving further into the woods, making a slow but deliberate trail.
The strength of the pursuing plasma storm, however, pushed Janeway's lithe figure to the ground. She cried out as it shoved her, face first, into the dirt. Chakotay was by her side in a moment, helping her to stand, putting a secure arm around her shoulder. They moved together, just as they had done months ago during the first plasma storm.
They walked for what seemed like a long time, fighting the winds that came boaring down on them. Sometimes they crashed into a stray tree or a rock when a gust was unexpectedly powerful, and Chakotay slipped once, but he was not badly injured. Finally, they found what appeared to be a hollowed-out tree stump.
"We can both fit in here," Janeway yelled, pointing to a small opening in the front of the stump and peering inside. First she squeezed through the hole, and Chakotay followed her quickly.
Surprisingly, it felt warm and dry inside the ancient stump, though Janeway shuddered at a few spiders that crawled on the lush, decaying wood above her head. "This tree must have been thousands of years old when it fell," she commented. It was not particularly roomy inside the stump, but both she and Chakotay fit comfortably.
He nodded. "It's warmer in here than it is outside, too, and we're protected from the storm." He surveyed their temporary shelter with scrutiny. "It seems like this should have rotted long ago," he observed.
Janeway shrugged. "We have almost no knowledge of plant cycles on this planet. We have no idea how long things take to decompose, or to grow, for that matter." They could hear the wind howling outside, and the noises it made sent shivers down Janeway's spine. It had been many hours since they had left their home, and Kathryn was tired. Her eyes closed, and she drifted off to sleep. Chakotay leaned back, sighed and listened to the storm as he watched his 'Captain' sleep, nestled in the crook of his arm.
...
Stardate 50690.1
...
Kathryn Janeway awoke to the smells of french toast cooking in the kitchen and sun streaming into the little cranny where her bed lay. She was glad that Chakotay liked cooking because she would hate to make him live with her botched attempts at meals. She stepped out of bed slowly, with a quiet moan. It always felt so safe and warm under the covers that she hated to leave her private, little sanctuary. She pulled on her bathrobe and meandered into the kitchen area, rubbing her eyes to make herself fully awaken.
"Good morning, Sleepyhead," Chakotay greeted her, flipping french toast as he spoke. "How are you on this bright and sunny morning?"
She raised her eyebrows at his chipperness. There was nothing particularly special that she could remember about today to put her counterpart in such a good mood. "A little tired, but up and running," she replied. She looked around, confused; a fancy table cloth and china dishes lined the table, which a large spread of condiments decorated as well. "What's the occasion?"
"A year ago today, we began our life here," Chakotay explained. As he surveyed his surroundings, he murmured to himself, "So much has changed since then." He quickly disregarded the thought and explained his plans for the day. "I was thinking we might take the boat and go on a picnic this afternoon."
"A picnic!" Janeway exclaimed. "What a wonderful idea! We wouldn't even have to go very far, so we wouldn't be stranded if a storm should happen to come upon us." They both laughed, remembering their last experience a few months back when they had tried to go on a camping trip.
Chakotay nodded. "I was thinking that we could try going downstream this time, instead of upstream. The river might feed into a lake or something."
"Or it might go careening down a waterfall," put in Janeway. "We wouldn't want that."
"I'd be able to spot a waterfall long before we were pulled down it," Chakotay assured her confidently. "At any rate, we'll explore more that we haven't seen before."
Janeway nodded in reluctant assent as she sat down at the elaborately set table. She fingered the fancy settings thoughtfully. "So it's been a whole year," she murmured, half to herself and half to her companion.
"Yes," Chakotay replied solemnly as he served her french toast from the hot frying pan and did the same for himself. "It almost seems like yesterday that we said good-bye to our crew, and..." His voice caught in his throat, and he trailed off into silence. Even after a year, the wounds were open and painful for both of them.
"And began our life here," Kathryn finished the thought for him. "I wonder if Tuvok has found a way home yet." She spoke almost casually, as if it was inevitable that her former tactical officer would do so.
"I'd like to think so," said Chakotay with a nostalgic smile. "Imagine all those crew members reunited with their families; Tom Paris' father finally learning of his services to the Federation, T'Pel and Tuvok with their children again..."
"Ensign Kim and his girlfriend," Janeway added, picking up on the train of thought, "and his parents, as well. B'Elanna seeking out her mother again." They sat in silence for a moment before Chakotay spoke again.
"Then people will ask what became of us, and Tuvok and Tom and B'Elanna will tell Mark how brave you were, and how strong. They will speak of how you remained strong, through the very end, and saved the ship countless times. They will tell your mother all about how you saved Voyager by self-destructing it when it was duplicated, and how close you became to your crew; how much you cared about them; how much compassion you showed for them."
"And Harry and Neelix and Kes will talk about your courage and bravery; how you saved Voyager from Seska despite my orders; how even though your neural energy was removed from your brain, you moved around the ship and eliminated the alien presence inhabiting Tuvok."
"They all will speak of both of us," Chakotay said, "but this is no time to be nostalgic, Kathryn. Today is not a day to be sorry for what has happened, but a time to commemorate our life here."
She nodded in assent. "It has not been so bad." Janeway knew he was scolding her for her nostalgia, but he was chiding himself as well. "We should be glad today," she said. The words had some difficulty extracting themselves from her mouth, but they came with only a minor ache in her throat. They finished the remainder of their french toast in silence and prepared for their picnic with minimal conversation. Both were deeply absorbed in their own thoughts.
Later, in the boat, Chakotay pointed out rare flowers and planets as they moved slowly down the flowing river. Janeway laughed as small, tree-climbing animals jumped and scampered up and down tall trees. Sunlight streamed down on their shoulders, and Chakotay began to hum an ancient tune.
"Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy," he murmured with a slightly lullaby-like melody.
"What's that from?" Janeway interrupted. She looked at him intently, searching. "It's pretty."
"It's an old song by someone named John Denver. I learned it from a music buff, my roommate at the Academy. He was always listening to music from the 1960's, 70's and 80's." Chakotay paused for a moment and chuckled. "I got quite a music education; everything from the Beatles to Simon and Garfunkel to John Denver or Paula Abdul."
Janeway laughed. "How does the song go?" she asked. He opened his mouth as if to protest when she assured him, "It's all right. You don't have to sing. Just tell me the lyrics."
"Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy. Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry. Sunshine on the water looks so lovely. Sunshine almost always makes me high." Chakotay's deep voice took on a sing-song tone, as if he was reading treasured poetry. Janeway expected him to stop, but the story continued. "If I had a day that I could give you, I'd give to you a day just like today. If I had a song that I could sing for you, I'd sing a song to make you feel this way." Chakotay's voice mounted to a song as he repeated the chorus, followed by another verse. "If I had a tale that I could tell you, I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile. If I had a wish that I could wish for you, I'd make a wish for sunshine all the while." He continued, repeating the chorus for a last time, totally absorbed in the music and the words and the message that he was proclaiming.
The beauty of the song sent a shiver down Kathryn Janeway's spine. She knew that every fiber of Chakotay's being was pulsing into the music, and every word of the song he sang he gave completely and utterly to her. The raw emotion of it set her mind reeling uncontrollably. Chakotay seemed embarrassed that he had been so outgoing in his expression, and Janeway could only gawk at her former first officer in awe.
Finally, she stammered, "That was beautiful, Chakotay." He seemed as if he wanted to shrug it off, wanted to forget it had ever happened, but she wasn't going to let him. "It was. Thank you."
He shrugged his shoulders, seemingly nonchalant. "It was nothing; just an old melody that I learned."
"You care more than you admit, I think," Kathryn teased him. She could see in his eyes behind the apparent calmness on his face. He chose to ignore her statement and pretended to be extremely intent on his rowing.
They were silent until suddenly the river's pace picked up slightly, almost too little to notice, but just enough so that their little boat moved faster. Janeway was worried that they were indeed approaching the waterfall, but Chakotay seemed quite calm. Before Janeway could puzzle much longer, the river emerged into a beautiful, wide lake. It seemed to stretch forever before their eyes, except for a tiny island that lay almost in the exact center of the water.
"That's where we're going," Chakotay explained, gesturing to the island before Janeway even had a chance to ask.
She placed her hands on her hips, raising her eyebrows. "Have you been here before?" she asked.
He grinned sheepishly. "I wanted to go exploring and see what was down at this end of the river. I had a feeling that it fed into a lake, but I wanted to check my suspicions before I brought you."
Janeway sighed and shook her head. He kept so many secrets for her, always knowing exactly the right time to unveil them. "Next time," she told him, despite her delight at the surprise, "I want to go with you on your little exploration."
"Fine," Chakotay said, but he still sounded a little reluctant. He rowed the boat into a little niche on one side of the island. It seemed to be made to dock a boat. He tied the little craft up to a tree and hopped out. He helped Janeway to exit the boat also and then grabbed their picnic basket.
Chakotay took Kathryn's hand as he led her through a grove of trees. They walked for a few minutes, taking in the fresh air, blue sky and refreshing sunshine. Birds chirped in the trees, and little animals scampered around on the lush, forest floor. The two people laughing and walking through the trees suddenly seemed very young. The bright sunshine and warm, spring breeze swept away their cares, worries, age and memories. They suddenly felt young, carefree and strong again, for the first time in a long time. Suddenly, they emerged into a grassy field. Sun streamed down on it hard, making the blades of grass glint in the sun. A hill protruded from the center of the field, reaching towards the heavens. Chakotay led Janeway up the hill, where he spread their picnic blanket.
"Here," he declared as he laid the fabric over the dew-lit grass. "It's a perfect spot for a picnic."
"I quite agree," replied Janeway, grinning her satisfaction. She sat down on the blanket, and Chakotay sat across from her. He began pulling the comestibles out of the picnic basket and laying them on the blanket.
Janeway eyed the large setup of sandwiches, crackers, soda and fruit before her, and she suddenly realized that she was quite hungry. "It looks delicious, Chakotay," she complimented his choice of meal.
"By all means," he told her, "begin." And the Indian followed his own instructions by picking up a large ham and cheese sandwich. Janeway chose chicken salad and dipped a few crackers in salsa to begin.
A few hours later, the crackers and salsa had disappeared, as had most of the sandwiches. Soda bottles lay empty on the grass beside the picnic basket, and Janeway and Chakotay had been exchanging anecdotes about their pasts for quite a while.
Chakotay, for his final surprise, pulled out an apple pie from the bottom of the picnic basket. He held it up to Janeway like a hard-won prize.
"Chakotay!" she exclaimed. "Where did you get that?" Her first thought was that he had replicated it for her, but she wasn't sure.
"I made it," he explained. He sounded like a little boy who had just learned to tie his shoe all by himself. "I didn't even replicate the pie shell."
"I don't think I could eat another bite," Janeway complained, holding her full stomach with one hand.
At Chakotay's hurt expression, though, she immediately changed her mind. "Please, Kathryn, just try a bite," he pleaded.
"All right," she consented. "I'll try a little piece." He dished her up a small slice of pie and handed her a fork. Janeway took the plate and fork and took some apples and crust onto her fork, shoving it into her mouth. The taste of warm, sugared apples and cinnamon met her tongue, coupled with the soft texture of fluffy pie crust.
"Mmm," Janeway breathed. She swallowed slowly, savoring the taste. "It's delicious, Chakotay."
"See," he teased her. "It's not so bad." He smiled, taking an apple on his fork, and flicked it across the blanket. It landed squarely on Janeway's shoulder. She feigned anger and delicately plucked the filling off her shirt, throwing it back at Chakotay. He took the liberty of taking revenge, and soon apple pie filling covered them both, rolling down the hill on top of one another, laughing gaily.
Suddenly, time seemed to stop for a moment, and Kathryn Janeway realized that she was lying in the grass at the bottom of a hill on an unknown island, covered in apple pie filling, in the arms of her former first officer. She had to think of him that way, too. Why? Why couldn't she just think of him as Chakotay?
He was also pondering the absurdity of the picture in that moment. This beautiful woman lay in his arms, both of them sticky with pie filling, at the bottom of a hill on an island he had discovered the week previous. Chakotay gazed deep into Kathryn's eyes, and the intensity of the moment almost forced him to look away. He didn't, and she held his gaze for what seemed like hours.
They realized suddenly that they lay very close to each other, and the tension between them was almost unbearable. Their lips touched for the first time in a cataclysmic event, and they knew that nothing would be the same after that. Then the tension was broken, and he kissed her over and over, whispering her name into the wind. They held each other tightly until New Earth's moon came over the treetops beyond their hill.
Kathryn and Chakotay took turns washing in the lake to remove the apple pie filling from their clothes and skin. They boarded their little boat and rowed back to their home amidst the trees.
...
Stardate 50912
...
On a cold winter morning, Kathryn Janeway awoke with a funny feeling in her gut. She and Chakotay had lived in their little house for over a year, now, but their relationship had moved slowly. One day he massaged her shoulders, but then it rested at that for a long time. Then one day he held her hand or kissed her goodnight on the cheek. And there had been that summer evening on their island, which they had named Paris Island, when they had kissed passionately for the first time, but since then, little had happened between them. They had plenty of time.
Chakotay continued to go out on daily expeditions to explore surrounding land, and he had built them a storage shed for the vegetables and fruits that Janeway produced in her garden.
The previous winter had been rather mild, with only about a foot of snow the entire season. There had been no snow yet this year, so Janeway thought that she might go for a stroll in the woods today. She needed some time alone to think, away from the little home that reminded her so much of Voyager. She explained her plans to Chakotay, and he told her he would stay at home today, planning a new surprise.
"I'm making up some new diagrams," he explained. "You can see them when I'm done."
"What are you building now?" she asked, trying to keep her tone nonchalant. She did not succeed, and her intense curiosity remained evident in her voice.
"You'll see later," he teased. "Go on your walk, and I'll show them to you when you get home."
Finally, Janeway relented and left the house, bundled up in a thick coat worn over her wool sweater and khaki pants. The heels on her light, leather boots clicked on the ground as she waltzed out the door, waving good-bye to Chakotay.
Kathryn began walking, not knowing exactly where she was headed, just that she had to get out, away from the confined atmosphere of the house and Chakotay's looming presence. Her thoughts strayed to far away places and people she loved.
Mark. What was Mark doing? She hoped that he had found another love, because she would've hated to keep him waiting all his life when he would never see her again. On Voyager, she had never been able to completely let go of him because she always kept the hope that they would get home soon. Since she and Chakotay had come to New Earth, however, she often could not remember the way his voice sounded or the nuances in the lines on his face. She had made the transition, and now her love for Mark had become a shadow, only remembered in the darkness of night; the dimness of dreams.
What about Captain Tuvok of the Federation Starship Voyager? Janeway never doubted that he would get his crew home safely, but were they there yet? Had they found a wormhole, or invented some new, strange, wondrous technology to aid their passage to the Alpha Quadrant? What was Starfleet's reaction at finding an integrated Maquis and Starfleet crew?
And the other crew members? Surely the Voyager crew had been presumed dead long ago back in the Federation, but how many had really believed they were gone? Would Harry Kim find his girlfriend waiting for him when he returned to Earth? Would T'Pel have given up on Tuvok? How much would his children have changed by the time they returned? Tom Paris would finally get the chance to make his father proud, returned a respectable, Starfleet officer. What about the others, though? Who was waiting for B'Elanna? How would Neelix and Kes fare in the Alpha Quadrant? Janeway didn't have to wonder about that one for very long. She could just imagine Neelix opening a restaurant in San Francisco named 'Delectable Delicacies from the Delta Quadrant,' and Kes could continue her medical studies.
Janeway laughed at the picture that came to her mind, but a thunder crash above her head ruined the happy moment. She looked up and saw dark clouds above her. Shivering, she realized that it had become colder, and the first drop of snow that fell on her eyelash did not surprise her. She glanced around and realized that she had no idea how far she had come or in what direction.
She had a vague idea of the direction of the house, so she began to walk quickly towards that area. The walk soon became a run as the snow began to fall thicker and faster. Before long, she was stumbling blindly through a mass of white snow that fell in a flurry all around her. Janeway could hardly see three feet in front of her as she ran through the frosty mass. All of a sudden, she felt something thick and hard hit her head. She struggled for consciousness as she reached out in front of her, but all that she grasped was air. She fell to her knees in the snow and cried out one final time before the blackness overtook her.
Chakotay remarked that Kathryn had been gone for an unusually long period of time, and he began to worry about her. The snow continued to fall outside their little home, and he thought that perhaps she was lost or hurt in the frightening cold. Without another moment's delay, Chakotay pulled on his thick boots and coat and went out searching for her. He had no idea in which direction she had gone that morning.
Fear began to overtake him as he trudged through the snow. What if she was no longer happy here on New Earth with him, or if she felt some great sadness that she concealed. What if she had done something horrible to herself. He did not want to ask himself if she could be dead. The mere thought of it caused a lump to rise in his throat. Soon, he ran blindly through the forest, searching, calling her name, praying that the Spirits would let him find her.
Miraculously, they did, or perhaps it was just luck. Personally, Chakotay always preferred to believe that his finding her symbolized the connection between them. He had been out searching for over an hour when he came upon her crumpled form, covered in snow. He did not let himself wonder or think about her condition. He swept her up in his arms and ran as fast as he could back to their home. Chakotay had never run so fast in his life. He did not even feel the strain, or the burden of Kathryn's weight in his arms. All that ran through his mind was a prayer that she would be all right.
When he reached their home, he removed Janeway's snow-caked clothes and wrapped her in warm, woolen blankets, hardly remembering to take off his own boots and coat. He laid her carefully on her bed and saw for the first time the gash across her forehead. The sight of her blood startled him, and he hurried to bandage the wound. Chakotay knew little of conventional medicine, but was well-versed in the techniques of his own people.
He carefully pulled the ancient medicine wheel out of a drawer filled with his personal belongings and his medicine bundle. He hung it carefully at the head of Kathryn's bed and arranged the stones. "Find your way home, Kathryn," he commanded gently. "I need you."
He knelt near her bed for several hours, getting up once to replicate broth that he spooned into her mouth. He stayed by her side the entire night, stroking her hand, holding her by the shoulder, making sure she remained warm and safe. Once or twice, she cried out in her sleep. When she did, he whispered soothing words and stroked her arm. Chakotay did not let himself think that she might never awake. The hope that he made himself cling to sustained him for those hours, which he spent recalling the sound of her voice; the way she felt in his arms; the electric connection of her lips on his.
When a morning lark warbled its song over a snow-covered world, the first show of consciousness appeared in Kathryn Janeway's lithe figure. She turned a little in her bed, and her eyes fluttered open and shut. After a few moments, she awoke, and her gaze came to rest on the man who had saved her life.
"Chakotay," she whispered, a lump rising in her throat. The passion on his face was suddenly so obvious.
"Kathryn," he sobbed, collapsing onto her chest. "Kathryn, Kathryn, Kathryn," he whispered her name over and over and over again, letting the tears flow down his cheeks. He had not cried in a very long time, and the tension that the past night had built was just too much.
The sight of his tears sent Janeway over the edge as well. It had been too long since she had cried, and she let the tears come. The tears represented joy and relief, not sadness.
"I thought I had lost you," he managed through choked sobs. "I thought you were gone forever."
Janeway sat up in bed and took the trembling Chakotay in her arms. "Shhh," she whispered soothingly. "It's all right. I'm alive, Chakotay. I'm here with you. I will always be with you."
He broke away slowly from her tender embrace, and she sensed that something of great importance was about to occur. He sat on the bed beside her and faced her fully, taking both of her hands in his. "Kathryn," he declared, "I love you."
The words, finally said, took Janeway's breath away, and she stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded. Finally, she found the sense to return his gesture. "Chakotay," she said, her voice trembling, "I love you."
Chakotay ejected one last, shuddered sob and held her close. He never wanted to let go. He felt her arms encircle him, and he lay down beside her on the bed. He held her tenderly as the new lovers fell asleep beside each other on Janeway's little cot.
...
Stardate 51224.3
...
Life slowly returned to normal after Janeway's accident, though Kathryn and Chakotay's relationship could never be the same after those three fateful words had been whispered. "I love you." The syllables seemed so simple, but they expressed the most profound emotion that the human soul could feel. The dynamics between the two people had completely changed since then.
Often before Chakotay went out to work and after he came in, Kathryn would stand on her tiptoes and plant a light kiss on her lover's cheek. Before they went to bed, they held each other for a long time, Janeway nuzzling her head into his chest. But then, as always, they went to bed in their separate, little alcoves. It seemed that they could not cross some unspoken line until they made a more official bond.
Chakotay finally shared what the plans contained that he had been working on the day of the accident. He planned to build an addition onto their small, Starfleet shelter, so they could have more space, he said. And also, he silently amended to himself, to build a room large enough for a king-size bed and a cozy, warm fire place to sit near in the winter. He had not shared the details of his plans with Janeway, and he would not let her enter the addition until he finished it; his latest surprise for her.
Spring was beginning during their third year on New Earth, and Janeway's garden, on which she worked so hard, prospered. The two humans would have fresh vegetables in a few months. They intended to save them for winter when nothing grew. Chakotay had just finished his new addition onto their home. Janeway had not seen it yet, of course; did not even know it was completed. Today would be the day; the day that everything changed.
He made coffee and pancakes for breakfast that morning, which was unusual in itself. Usually, Chakotay took a quick breakfast and immediately went to work. Janeway knew that today, something was different. He had given her an abnormally passionate kiss when she emerged from her bedroom.
They ate breakfast in near silence, like they had before on rare occasions, always when Chakotay had a new surprise to unveil for his love. After they finished eating, he cleared the dishes, and she wiped up the table. Someone spilled syrup during the meal. Then, Chakotay quietly took Janeway's hand.
"I have something to show you. You can come inside our new, little home today. I finished it last night." Chakotay led her through their Starfleet issue shelter to a door he had made between it and the addition. It had been closed off to her until now.
"I can't wait to see what you've done, Chakotay. I've been so curious about your work. I'm sure I'll..." Janeway's voice trailed off into silence as she stepped into the little cabin attachment. She had been about to say that she was sure she would love it. That would have been an understatement. Her eyes flitted slowly around the room, starting to her left, and slowly making their way around. Polished, wooden walls lined the cozy room, lit in the center with a romantic chandelier. Pictures of the Voyager crew, Mark, and Janeway's and Chakotay's families rested on the fireplace mantle. A carved, Indian statue also adorned it. A warm, sheltered atmosphere radiated from the fire in the stone fireplace. Fluffy, soft cushions adorned a couple of chairs that sat at the corners of the chamber. Finally, Janeway's eyes came to rest on the large, intricately designed bed that laid in the far right-hand corner of the room. Thick, warm, woolen blankets covered it; large and snug for two people.
"Chakotay," she breathed. "It's beautiful." Tears sprung to her eyes, and suddenly, the moment became very serious.
"Kathryn," he began gravely. He took her hand and lowered his body to one knee in front of her. She held her breath. "Will you marry me?" Unbearable silence filled the air as she stared at him, stunned. "Please?" His voice came out strangled this time.
Kathryn Janeway's free hand covered her mouth, and she realized that tears were streaming down her cheeks. "Oh, yes, Chakotay," she whispered. "Yes, yes, yes."
He rose up off of one knee and embraced her tightly, kissing her passionately. Tears ran down both their cheeks as their lips met, and they parted for a moment, to brush each others teardrops away. Then, quietly, he led her to the bed, and they made love for the first time. The fire burned on that night, sure, and strong, as it would for many years after.