Star Trek: No Fear "Pilot, Part One" by Max F. Exter All characters are copyright Max F. Exter 1997. Star Trek is a Copyright of Paramount Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved. FADE IN: 1 EXT. SPACE - NEAR FLOATING BARNEY 1 A Barney plush-toy floats aimlessly in space. Suddenly, a Klingon Bird of Prey decloaks. ESTABLISH BEAT. 2 INT. KLINGON SHIP 2 The interior of the ship remains, for the most part, unseen. The only portions that must be seen are the angles on the Klingons and the viewscreen. The KLINGON COMMANDER is sitting on a chair in the center of the bridge, while the KLINGON SUB is in a lower chair toward the front, just below the viewscreen. All Klingon dialogue will appear as subtitles, except for scenes where they are speaking to Captain Pastromi. KLINGON SUB My Lord, a piece of space debris is in our path. KLINGON COMMANDER (Bored) Is it difficult to hit? KLINGON SUB No sir, but worthwhile none-the-less. 3 EXT. KLINGON SHIP & BARNEY 3 The Klingon ship blows Barney straight to Hell. 4 INT. KLINGON SHIP 4 The Klingon Commander appears unhappy with the way his life is going. KLINGON COMMANDER (Quietly) Destroying purple dinosaurs is no test of a warrior's mettle... The Klingon Subordinate looks up from his control panel and turns to face the Klingon Commander. KLINGON SUB My lord, a Federation starship has just entered long range scanners. KLINGON COMMANDER (interested) A Federation starship? (excited) I've always wanted to engage a Federation starship! Set a course to intercept! 5 EXT. INTREPID 5 The CAMERA PANS around the Intrepid on one side, until the front of the ship is visible with the USS Intrepid lettering. The Captain's log begins almost immediately. PASTROMI (V.O.) Captain's Log, Star Date 43963.4 6 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 6 Start on the entrance to the bridge towards the back with the CAMERA at a HIGH ANGLE. Slowly PAN TOWARDS the front to obtain a level view of most of the bridge. (CONTINUED) 6 CONTINUED: 6 Captain PASTROMI is sitting in a slumped position on the Captain's chair. BETA is in the Helmsman's seat directly in front and to the left of Pastromi. "OH" BRIAN sits in a chair to the left of Pastromi with perfect posture. The CHIEF is standing ominously at the back of the bridge holding a shotgun. PASTROMI (V.O) The Intrepid has been sent to the sector to investigate a series of things that have been happening there. PASTROMI Mr. Beta, how much time until we reach the sector? When Beta speaks, he looks directly at the person he is speaking to, while still doing whatever he was doing with his hands without interruption. BETA Captain, we will reach the sector in approximately three hours, twenty-two minutes and 38 seconds. PASTROMI I see. (beat) Tell me, do our sensors detect any Klingons nearby? Beta pushes some buttons on his console before answering. BETA Aye, sir. Long range sensors are detecting one Klingon bird of prey. PASTROMI Alright! Forget THE SECTOR and lay in a new course t... (CONTINUED) 6 CONTINUED: (2) 6 "Oh" Brian realizes what Pastromi is up to at this point and interrupts him before he can finish giving the order. "OH" BRIAN (Official) But captain, we cannot attack them! It would be against Starfleet's rules and regulations, and it is morally wrong! PASTROMI Rules? Regulations? When did these enter the picture? BETA On Star Date 41823.7 the first draft of Starfleet's rul... PASTROMI (annoyed) Shut up Beta! BETA Aye, sir. PASTROMI Now where was I? Oh yeah! [to "Oh" Brian] What if that Klingon ship out there is hostile? "OH" BRIAN (defensively) Captain, we have no reason to suspect that! PASTROMI Sure we do! You know how trigger happy they are! Every time I encounter Klingons, they always fire at me. (CONTINUED) 6 CONTINUED: (3) 6 "OH" BRIAN (curious) Why is that, sir? PASTROMI [grinning] I always fire first! "OH" Brian looks very worried, and more than a little scared as we... FADE OUT. END OF TEASER _________________________________________________________________ ACT ONE FADE IN: (NOTE: Episode credits fall over opening scenes) 7 EXT. KLINGON BIRD OF PREY 7 Just a BEAT to establish, then: 8 INT. KLINGON BRIDGE 8 KLINGON SUB My Lord, the Federation starship has entered visual range! The Klingon Commander nods for the Klingon SUB to activate the viewscreen. The CAMERA ANGLE changes to show the viewscreen, with the Intrepid visible in the distance. It is still too small to make out anything other than the shape. KLINGON COMMANDER (contemplatively) A Voyager class vessel... Impressive... But who is her captain? [to Klingon Sub] Magnify so we can see its designation! The Klingon SUB presses some buttons. The viewscreen image changes to show the Intrepid filling up the screen. It is facing the Klingons, and slowly tilting downwards. The NCC designation starts to become visible. KLINGON COMMANDER [to himself] Hmm.. NCC 1415-65.. The Intrepid angles down enough for the words "USS INTREPID" to become visible to the Klingons. (CONTINUED) 8 CONTINUED: 8 KLINGON COMMANDER The Intrepid.. (shocked) That's Pastromi's ship! If I could defeat Pastromi... KLINGON SUB You would be the greatest warrior in the galaxy. KLINGON COMMANDER (quickly) Prepare all weapons, activate the cloaking device and find out their shield frequency! KLINGON SUB How, My Lord? KLINGON COMMANDER Call the Federation and ask! KLINGON SUB Yes, my Lord, it will be done! Kuplah! KLINGON COMMANDER Kuplah! 9 EXT. INTREPID 9 The Intrepid is still travelling at warp speed. 10 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 10 BETA Captain, the Klingons have entered visual range. PASTROMI Good, good! [to Chief] Any strategies, Chief? (CONTINUED) 10 CONTINUED: 10 The Chief steps forward and begins speaking in a deep, menacing voice. CHIEF Aye, sir! First, we fire our phasers and throw them off guard. Then, we hammer their defences with our photon torpedoes! Finally, when their defences have all collapsed, and they realize that their doom is inevitable.. [waves gun at "OH" Brian] we crush them, with our quantum torpedoes! Pastromi thinks the plan over. PASTROMI Chief, I like it, I really do. But I think we need a plan with a little more... (searching for word) finesse. Any suggestions, Beta? BETA Yes, Captain, however, I feel that I should remind you of the consequences you face by attacking this Klingon vessel. PASTROMI What do you mean? Think about it, Beta! We could have a battle every day! BETA Yes, but you would be breaking the following Starfleet rules.. PASTROMI (Annoyed) Again with the rules! (CONTINUED) 10 CONTINUED: (2) 10 BETA Captain, I am merely stating what is necessary through my position and programming. PASTROMI Yeah, well it annoys the hell out of me. In fact, I hate you! I wish you'd just go away! BETA Sir, if my present personality is not agreeable, I am equipped with several others that might better suit the situation. PASTROMI Really? How do we activate them? BETA An abrupt change in the polarity of my upper cranium brought about by a direct kinetic forceful reaction of no less than 2000 kilojoules of force will bring about the desired result captain. PASTROMI I see. Chief? CHIEF (With glee) Aye sir! The Chief walks behind Beta and smashes him in the head, causing him to collapse to the ground. A few seconds pass, then Beta abruptly stands up again. Beta's new personality is extraordinarily happy and cheerful. So much so, that when he speaks, Captain Pastromi will immediately fall into his chair. BETA (loud) Hi, guys! (CONTINUED) 10 CONTINUED: (3) 10 PASTROMI (Surprised) ACK! BETA I just want you to know that there's a Klingon that's about to blow us all to tiny bits, but if it helps, call me Mike! PASTROMI (Exasperated) Chief, Chief! The Chief smashes Beta in the head again, this time using a preying mantis backhand attack. Beta flies backward and falls over his console. He struggles to get back up in a robotic way. Pastromi looks around the bridge, trying to remember something. PASTROMI Say, haven't we forgotten something? 11 OMITTED 11 12 INT. KLINGON BRIDGE 12 The Klingons are talking to a SOME ADMIRAL, trying to convince him to give them the Intrepid's shield frequency. SOME ADMIRAL Now be reasonable, Commander. We can't just give any passing Klingon who wants it the shield frequency to our fleets. KLINGON COMMANDER I don't want all of them, just the Intrepids. (CONTINUED) 12 CONTINUED: 12 SOME ADMIRAL I understand that, but they're all the sa.. (clears throat) That is, it's a matter of security. KLINGON COMMANDER But this is for science! SOME ADMIRAL That's another thing. What exactly is this science project? KLINGON SUB We are attempting to modify our own weapons so that they will pass through the Intrepids shields! Klingon Commander looks at Klingon Sub sharply. Some Admiral appears shocked. SOME ADMIRAL What?! Klingon Commander looks back at Some Admiral. KLINGON COMMANDER It is so, uh, we can develope a, uh, defence against such attacks for you! Don't forget what happened to the Enterprise! SOME ADMIRAL (happy) Oh, that's wonderful of you! The Intrepids shield frequency is 257.4 millihertz. Good luck! The viewscreen switches to the Intrepid. KLINGON COMMANDER Did you get that? (CONTINUED) 12 CONTINUED: (2) 12 KLINGON SUB Yes, my lord! KLINGON COMMANDER Fire! 13 EXT. SPACE 13 The Klingon ship quickly decloaks and fires two photon torpedoes. They fly at the Intrepid and go through its shields as if they weren't there. 14 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 14 The bridge shakes as the torpedoes impact the hull. "OH" Brian looks worried. Pastromi is calm and collected. The Chief is full of adrenaline. Beta's personality has changed to that of Ned Flanders from The Simpsons. CHIEF They have found a way to penetrate our shields! PASTROMI Well, DUH. CHIEF Permission to lock phasers and crush our enemies! The bridge is rocked by another torpedo hit, causing a small part of the bridge to explode, killing an expendable. Another one takes his place. PASTROMI [Nodding] You do that. The Chief grins maniacally and starts pressing buttons at the tactical display. (CONTINUED) 14 CONTINUED: 14 PASTROMI Beta, change our shield frequency! BETA [Smiling] Okilly Dokilly, Capterino! PASTROMI (Dismayed) Ack! A torpedo impacts the ship. "OH" BRIAN Hull breach on decks thirty-one through thirty-five! Another torpedo rocks the ship, causing an explosion off-screen. The cry of another crewmember is heard along with it. "OH" BRIAN Captain, the Klingon commander is hailing us! PASTROMI On screen! KLINGON COMMANDER (Feigned concern) Captain Pastromi, look behind you! It's the Borg! PASTROMI (Horrified) Oh my God! Turn the ship around, turn the ship around! 15 EXT. INTREPID 15 The Intrepid spins around only to discover that there is no Borg Cube behind it. 16 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 16 PASTROMI Hey, there's no Borg here! 17 INT. KLINGON SHIP 17 KLINGON COMMANDER Ha! The fool! FIRE! 18 EXT. KLINGON SHIP 18 The Klingon ship fires at the Intrepid, hitting it on the junction between the warp nacelles. CUT TO: 19 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 19 An explosion takes place in the back of the bridge, killing another expendable crewmember. PASTROMI (Furious) That RAT! 20 INT. INTREPID - ENGINEERING 20 Various pieces of Engineering are exploding regularly. People are running around trying to repair the damage. Lobes is trying to direct the repair jobs and keep ahead of the battle. LOBES Lets get a stabilizer on that conduit! The conduit explodes, killing an expendable. LOBES Don't bother. Jimmy that starboard interlock! We need to re-route main power through that doohicky to keep the slurpee machine operational! 21 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 21 There has been a tremendous amount of damage sustained. PASTROMI Chief, what do we know about that old Klingon ship? Any weaknesses? CHIEF Perhaps... yes! If we hit it directly with five hundred quantum torpedoes, it will explode! PASTROMI I like it! How many quantum torpedoes do we have? CHIEF None sir! 22 INT. KLINGON SHIP 22 KLINGON SUB Our shields are holding! KLINGON COMMANDER Transfer all weapons to me! 23 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 23 "OH" BRIAN (Excitedly) Captain, I have an idea! This class of Klingon ship requires the gunner to have his hands on the controls at all times for the shields to remain up. Pastromi thinks about that for a moment. PASTROMI That's a strange way of designing a ship. (CONTINUED) 23 CONTINUED: 23 Pastromi continues to think about "Oh" Brian's revelation. Another photon hits the ship, knocking Pastromi off of his chair. When he gets back up, his expression shows that he has an idea. PASTROMI [to himself] It might just work. [to Chief] Chief, Prepare a spread of photon torpedoes! We have to hit them the moment their shields have dropped. Pastromi chuckles quietly. 24 EXT. INTREPID 24 The Klingon continues to fire at the Intrepid, which has burn marks all over the hull. 25 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 25 The bridge shakes from yet another torpedo. PASTROMI Beta, what's the status of our shields! BETA One more shotterini and we'll be tiddly-toasty, Capterino! PASTROMI Chief, keep them busy! 26 EXT. INTREPID and KLINGON 26 The Intrepid and Klingon Ship trade a series of shots, none of which hit either of the ships in question. 27 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 27 PASTROMI Hail the Klingons! The Klingon Commander's face appears on the viewscreen. Pastromi gets up from his chair and faces the Klingon. KLINGON COMMANDER Yes? PASTROMI Your shoe is untied. CU on the Klingon as he looks at the CAMERA in shock, and then down at his shoes. CU on Pastromi. PASTROMI Fire. 28 EXT. INTREPID and KLINGON 28 The Intrepid fires a torpedo at the Klingon Ship. 29 INT. KLINGON SHIP 29 The Camera does a close-up shot of the Klingon's faces as they look out at the approaching torpedo. 30 EXT. KLINGON SHIP 30 The torpedo impacts and destroys the Klingon ship. 31 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 31 Everyone on the bridge is Standing and staring out the viewscreen at the exploding Klingon ship. The CAMERA PANS through everyone until it reaches Pastromi who puts his right hand in a gun shape and blows on the imaginary barrel as we... FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE _________________________________________________________________ ACT TWO FADE IN: 32 EXT. INTREPID 32 Just a beat to establish, then: The Intrepid is still badly damaged from its recent fight against the Klingon. There are burn marks everywhere on the hull. PASTROMI (V.O.) Captain's log, supplemental. The Intrepid has been badly damaged due to the totally unprovoked attack by the Klingon ship. Repairs are going smoothly, and we should be able to retaliate in a matter or hours. 33 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 33 The bridge has been badly damaged because of the battle with the Klingon ship. A couple of crewmembers are busy fixing damaged portions of the bridge. Beta, The Chief and "OH" Brian are at their posts. Pastromi is entering the bridge from his office. BETA Hi-diddly-ho there Capterino! PASTROMI Shut up, Beta. BETA Okilly dokilly! CHIEF (barely contained rage) Captain.. PASTROMI Permission granted Chief. (CONTINUED) 33 CONTINUED: 33 The Chief walks to just behind Beta and smashes him on the head. Beta falls down, then gets back up and resumes whatever he was doing. He now has his normal personality. 34 INT. INTREPID - ENGINEERING 34 Like the bridge, engineering has also been very badly damaged. Duct tape seems to be the only thing holding it together. Lobes is hammering on the warp-core with a ballpine hammer humming the railroad song. He accidentally hits it a little too hard, creating a crack which vents out a bunch of steam. LOBES Oh oh, Lobes glances around to see if anyone noticed what he did, then, deciding nobody has, he touches his communicator. LOBES Captain, we have a problem down here. It must have been, uh, that... Last... torpedo hit! Yeah! We're five minutes away from a warp-core breach. There's nothing I can do. 35 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 35 PASTROMI (Official) Commander, evacuate everyone to the saucer section. Mr. Beta, prepare to separate the ship. Beta looks at Pastromi curiously, but carries on without comment. 36 INT. INTREPID - HALLWAY 36 People are moving all over the hallway in an effort to get into the saucer section. COMPUTER (V.O.) Starship separation in five minutes. The CAMERA ANGLE changes to make the same hallway look like a different one. 37 INT. INTREPID - LADDER 37 Various crewmembers are evacuating to the saucer section via a step-ladder. Other people are waiting at the bottom for their turn to go up. 38 INT. INTREPID - HALLWAY 38 Another hallway with people being evacuated. 39 INT. INTREPID - SICKBAY 39 The sickbay, like everything else in the ship, is badly damaged. Doctor RING, a NURSE and some injured crewmembers are here. NURSE (Frightened) Doctor, shouldn't we evacuate? The doctor is always extremely mellow, even under the most pressuring situations. He has a grin on his face almost constantly, particularly during an operation. RING Yeah, sure! Everybody in sickbay gets out as quickly as possible, trampling over each-other. The doctor hums some song as he casually walks toward the exit from sickbay. (CONTINUED) 39 CONTINUED: 39 Before he gets out, INJURED CREWMEMBER gets his attention. INJURED CREWMEMBER Doctor, help me! RING Okay. The Doctor picks-up the Injured Crewmember and heads out the door. Before he gets too far, INJURED CREWMEMBER #2 stops him. INJURED CREWMEMBER #2 Doctor, please help me! Doctor Ring stops and looks at the man with his usual grin. DOCTOR RING Okay. Dr. Ring drops Injured Crewmember, and picks-up the Injured Crewmember #2. He then moves on. The first injured crewmember is last seen with a very perplexed expression on his face. COMPUTER (V.O.) One minute, thirty seconds until warp-core breach. CUT TO: 40 INT INTREPID - BRIDGE 40 PASTROMI (Confused) Hey, wait a minute here. I thought we had five minutes! [touches his communicator] Pastromi to Lobes! LOBES (V.O.) Lobes here! (CONTINUED) 40 CONTINUED: 40 PASTROMI (angrily) I thought you said we had five minutes! LOBES (V.O.) We do! PASTROMI But the computer just said we have a minute and thirty seconds! COMPUTER (V.O.) One minute until warp-core breach. LOBES (V.O.) (defensively) Captain, who are you going to believe; Me or the computer? PASTROMI Hold that thought. [to Beta] Mr. Beta, begin the saucer separation. BETA (curious) Captain? PASTROMI (Frustrated) You heard me! BETA Captain, I should remind you that this ship is not capable of saucer separation. PASTROMI (dumbfounded) I, uh, of course I thought of that! (CONTINUED) 40 CONTINUED: (2) 40 COMPUTER (V.O.) Thirty seconds until warp-core breach. PASTROMI Do it anyway! BETA [pushing buttons] Aye, sir. 41 EXT. INTREPID 41 A deep rumbling sound is heard as the Intrepid saucer section rips away from the lower half of the ship. 42 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 42 BETA Saucer separation complete. 43 EXT. INTREPID 43 The lower section of the Intrepid explodes. The saucer gets caught in the explosion. CUT TO: 44 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 44 Everybody in the bridge, except for the Chief, is shaken out of their seats. PASTROMI (Yelling) Report! BETA Warp-core breach in ten seconds! (CONTINUED) 44 CONTINUED: 44 PASTROMI (Shouting) What?!! Beta, what the hell are you talking about! BETA The warp core is in the saucer section captain. Five seconds! PASTROMI Uh.. BETA Four, three.. PASTROMI Eject it! BETA Aye, sir. Beta presses a button on his console and the crisis is ended. BETA Core breach averted. PASTROMI (relieved) Phew! A few seconds of silence ensue. Just long enough to make people realize that nothing is happening and that all crisises are over. Everyone on the bridge except Beta start figiting. PASTROMI Oh Hell. Beta, do sensors detect anything interesting within our range? (CONTINUED) 44 CONTINUED: (2) 44 BETA Aye sir. There is one temporal anomaly approximately five minutes from our present position at full impulse. PASTROMI Good, good! Set a course for it, maximum impulse! Go! 45 INT. INTREPID - COUNSELLOR'S OFFICE 45 The counsellor's office is mostly unseen. The most important features are the couch and chair. There is also a window looking outside of the ship. The COUNSELLOR is sitting on the chair, while UNHAPPY CREWMEMBER is explaining his problems to her. UNHAPPY CREWMEMBER I just don't know what's wrong with me! COUNSELLOR (unemotional) Did you ever consider that people may just not like you? UNHAPPY CREWMEMBER I.. COUNSELLOR I don't like you either. Suddenly, the moving stars outside of the window are replaced by a dull white light. COUNSELLOR Look, do you want my help, or don't you? UNHAPPY CREWMEMBER Well, I.. (CONTINUED) 45 CONTINUED: 45 COUNSELLOR Fine. My advice; Starfleet issues phasers for a reason. The anomaly passes, and Earth is seen through the window. 46 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 46 PASTROMI Okay, Beta. Where are we? BETA Sensors say that we are nearing Earth, Captain. Everyone appears shocked, except for Pastromi who is visibly annoyed. PASTROMI Earth? Great, we go through an anomaly and wind up in the most boring place in the known universe. BETA Captain, we appear to be in the late twentieth century. PASTROMI [perking up] Oh, well that's different! Prepare to.. "OH" Brian immediately realizes what Pastromi wants to do. "OH" BRIAN Captain, we cannot go to Earth! It would interfere with the timeline! PASTROMI Your point being? (CONTINUED) 46 CONTINUED: 46 "OH" BRIAN The consequences to the future could be catastrophic! BETA The temporal-rift has closed. PASTROMI OK, then it's settled. Chief, prepare an away-team consisting of all the senior officers on the ship. We're going to Earth! BETA Captain, I feel I must remind you that the transporters were on the other half of the ship. PASTROMI (Annoyed) Chief? CHIEF Aye, sir! The Chief walks behind "OH" Brian and smashes her in the back of the head. PASTROMI (shocked) Chief! I meant Beta! The Chief glares at Pastromi, then smashes Beta in the head. Beta falls to the floor. CHIEF (with contempt) There you go, your majesty! PASTROMI That's better! You do good work, Chief! [Looks at "Oh" Brian] Chief Medical Officer to the bridge! (CONTINUED) 46 CONTINUED: (2) 46 Beta gets back up and sits in his usual position. He now has an R2D2 personality. PASTROMI Beta, set a course for Earth. Maximum impulse! Throughout the rest of this scene, Earth will become larger and larger on the viewscreen. The only person to notice will be Beta, but he has no way of communicating outside of blips and beeps. The Doctor enters the bridge. He walks over to the unconscious "OH" Brian and runs his trichorder-type device over her. PASTROMI Doctor, what is "OH" Brian's condition? DOCTOR RING She's dead. PASTROMI (shocked) Dead?!! DOCTOR RING I dunno. Dead or unconscious or something. I haven't checked. BETA *BLIPP* *BEEP* *BLEEP* *BLIPP* PASTROMI Well, can you do something for her? DOCTOR RING Probably. Doctor Ring uses a hypo-spray on "OH" Brian. (CONTINUED) 46 CONTINUED: (3) 46 BETA [Mimicking red-alert] *WHISTLE* *WHISTLE* *WHISTLE* "OH" Brian begins to regain consciousness. PASTROMI What the hell is wrong with Beta? CHIEF Do you want me to kill him, sir? PASTROMI (thinking it over) Maybe... "OH" Brian regains consciousness and immediately notices that they are rapidly approaching the Earth. "OH" BRIAN Captain, we're on a collision course with the Earth! The ship is suddenly caught in Earth's gravity well, causing it to shake. Everyone on the bridge loses their footing or falls from their chairs except for the Chief and Beta. PASTROMI (Yelling) Report! "OH" BRIAN We're caught in the Earth's gravity well! PASTROMI (He doesn't understand) Huh? RING We're falling and we can't get up! (CONTINUED) 46 CONTINUED: (4) 46 Shot of the viewscreen as they fly towards the planet. Then a shot of Beta. Then another shot of the viewscreen. Then back to Beta. BETA *WHISTLE* *WHISTLE* 47 EXT. SAUCER 47 The saucer section is in the Earth's atmosphere. It quickly falls toward the surface. 48 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 48 PASTROMI (yelling) All hands, brace for impact! 49 EXT. SAUCER 49 The saucer section rapidly flies towards the ground in a mountainous area until it hits a peak, which stops it completely. 50 INT. INTREPID - BRIDGE 50 Everyone on the bridge, except for the Chief, is flung to the front of the ship, along with all chairs and consoles. Pastromi flies forward, hits the viewscreen and falls to the ground in front of it. The Chief manages to stay where he was standing through sheer force of strength. RING Hey, we've stopped! A couple seconds pass. Then a large air-bag suddenly expands from the viewscreen, and falls on top of Pastromi. 51 EXT. SAUCER - CRASH-SITE 51 FRAME the Intrepid and mountain for a couple seconds. LOBES (V.O.) Oh no, snow! A large pile of snow falls on top of the Saucer, completely covering it, and making it look like any of the other nearby mountaintops. We stay there for a couple seconds, then we... FADE OUT. END OF ACT TWO _________________________________________________________________ ACT THREE FADE IN: 52 EXT. MOUNTAINTOP - CAMPFIRE 52 The command staff is singing around a campfire. EVERYONE Row, row, row your boat, gently down the... CUT TO: 53 INT. SNOWCAVE 53 Pastromi wakes up covered in sweat. CU on Pastromi's expression. PASTROMI (Terrified) Aaaahhhh!!! The CAMERA ZOOMS OUT then PANS AROUND the cave. It is small, and there is a small tunnel at one end that goes back to the ship. (Which isn't seen.) Along one of the walls is a number of scratches which seem to indicate the passage of time. PASTROMI (V.O.) Captain's personal log. I have been trapped by what seems to be a mountain of snow for... Pastromi moves to the section with the scratches and makes another one. PASTROMI (V.O.) ...thirty-two minutes. The rest of the crew is, to the best of my knowledge, dead. If anyone is still alive, I hope that they're having a worse time than me. (CONTINUED) 53 CONTINUED: 53 Pastromi digs a little more until he discovers a hole that goes above the snow. He digs around the hole, and eventually makes it large enough to climb through. He struggles to lift himself out and eventually succeeds. 54 EXT. MOUNTAINTOP 54 Pastromi looks up once he gets out of the hole. In his line of sight are the rest of the Command Staff, all sitting comfortably around a camp fire. The Chief is telling a story to everyone else. CHIEF ..and my enemies looked at me and realized that their doom was inevitable. Then I crushed them! "OH" Brian is the first to notice the Captain. She stands at attention and says: "OH" BRIAN Sir! PASTROMI (tired) As you were, Commander. RING Hey, where'd you come from? PASTROMI [Pointing] I tunneled out over there. RING Sure wish I'd thought of that. BETA [points at easy route] Captain, why did you not simply exit the ship from over there? COUNSELLOR Because he's an idiot. (CONTINUED) 54 CONTINUED: 54 PASTROMI (annoyed) Chief? The Chief begins pulling out a knife. COUNSELLOR (defensive) I was talking about Lobes! (under her breath) Touchy bastard. PASTROMI Well anyway, we need to discuss our situation. For starters, how many of us survived the crash? "OH" BRIAN Only us, sir. [points] And that ensign. The crewmember "OH" Brian was referring to slips and falls off the mountain. His cry becomes rapidly quieter, then cease altogether. A dull splatt is heard. PASTROMI I see. So, where are we? BETA Captain, we seem to have crashed in what are presently known as the Coast Ranges. The nearest settlement is the village of Powell River. PASTROMI I've never heard of it. BETA It was a small town on the coast of British Columbia that was mysteriously destroyed in mid 1997. (CONTINUED) 54 CONTINUED: (2) 54 PASTROMI Really? (beat) What year are we in now? BETA Mid 1997, sir. Pastromi briefly glances at everyone. PASTROMI OK. We'll pack all necessary survival equipment and then re-assess the situation once we reach this, Powell River. 55 EXT. MOUNTAINS 55 The camera PANS AROUND the scenery to indicate the passage of an undisclosed amount of time. 56 EXT. VALLEY 56 The CAMERA ANGLE goes to the Chief for a moment, as he passes a pair of binoculars to "OH" Brian. She looks through them for a moment and then walks to Pastromi. "OH" BRIAN Captain, there is some sort of ancient Runabout in visual range! "OH" Brian hands the binoculars over to Pastromi, who looks through them briefly. PASTROMI Chief? CHIEF Sir. PASTROMI I want you and Lobes to go to the transport and get it running. (CONTINUED) 56 CONTINUED: 56 CHIEF Permission to wipe out any and all resistance sir! PASTROMI Granted. The Chief and Lobes walk towards the truck. 57 EXT. HIGGIE-TRUCK 57 Lobes and the Chief move around the truck, looking for potential traps and the entrance. The Chief then decides that there are no potential enemies nearby and touches his communicator. CHIEF Chief to Pastromi! PASTROMI (V.O.) Pastromi here. CHIEF The perimeter is clear. The vehicle has been secured! The Chief moves over to the driver-side door and puts his hand on the handle. LOBES No, don't! CHIEF (Angry) You would order me? LOBES These vehicles have a very dangerous security system. The only way to get by it is to power up the runabout externally. CHIEF How? (CONTINUED) 57 CONTINUED: 57 Lobes walks to the gas intake on the truck. LOBES (Wisely) This is the energy intake for this transport. All we have to do is dischargea phaser inside it. Since I don't have a phaser, you'll have to do it. CHIEF Very well. The Chief walks over to the gas intake and then points his phaser at it. Beta and Pastromi walk over from their prior location. Beta then notices what the Chief is about to to and grabs his wrist before he can fire the phaser, forcing it away from the gas intake. BETA Chief, I would strongly recommend that you do not follow through with your actions, as they will result in the premature combustion of the vehicle we wish to acquire. Lobes pushes the Chief's wrist back so that the phaser is pointing back at the gas intake. The Chief glares at both of them. LOBES It will not, and I think that my opinion as Chief of Engineering is more important than your opinion as Chief of Android... whatever. Dr. Ring moves to the driver's-side door. The Chief starts to become extremely tense. Beta moves the Chief's arm away from the gas intake again. (CONTINUED) 57 CONTINUED: (2) 57 BETA While I would normally follow your judgement in matters of engineering, in this one instance, you are wrong. Dr. Ring opens the door and climbs into the driver's seat. CHIEF Captain, permission to kill both of them! PASTROMI Gra.. Dr. Ring starts the truck without any difficulty. Pastromi stops what he was about to say to the Chief and walks over to Doctor Ring. PASTROMI Doctor, how did you know how to do that? RING It's pretty simple if you think about it. PASTROMI Uh huh. [To everyone] OK, everybody pile in the Runabout! Everyone but Pastromi, "OH" Brian and Doctor Ring moves into the back of the truck. Pastromi and "OH" Brian move into the front cabin. 58 INT. HIGGIE-TRUCK - CABIN 58 PASTROMI Doctor, do you think you can drive this thing? RING I dunno. PASTROMI Good. Set course 238 mark 6. RING Huh? PASTROMI (pointing) That road right there. Go! 59 EXT. HIGGIE-TRUCK 59 The CAMERA ANGLE shifts from the side of the truck to the back as it starts moving quickly away from where they found it down the road as we... FADE OUT. END OF ACT THREE _________________________________________________________________ ACT FOUR FADE IN: 60 EXT. HIGGIE-TRUCK 60 The crew has reached Powell River. It is mid-day. The typical warp sound is heard as the truck is seen driving by the "ENTERING POWELL RIVER" sign. 61 INT. HIGGIE-TRUCK - CABIN 61 PASTROMI OK, first order of business is to pick a house totally at random. How about... [Points at Ian's house] ..that one! "OH" BRIAN But captain! We cannot take over that house! It would interfere with the timeline, and it is morally wrong! The truck drives up the driveway towards the house. PASTROMI So? "OH" BRIAN (Becoming Upset) Starfleet regulations specifically state that in any instance where crewmembers are trapped back in time, they are to live out their lives in a quiet way that does not interfere with the timeline. The truck comes to a halt and stops running. PASTROMI Ahh, but you're assuming that we're stuck here. (CONTINUED) 61 CONTINUED: 61 "OH" BRIAN (relieved) We're not? PASTROMI Of course not! All we need to do is make enough noise for them to come and get us. "OH" Brian looks extremely worried. RING We're here! Pastromi, "OH" Brian and Dr. Ring exit the vehicle. 62 EXT. IAN'S HOUSE & HIGGIE-TRUCK 62 PASTROMI OK everybody. (beat) This primitive building will serve as our base of operations. Chief, secure the perimeter. The Chief walks away. PASTROMI OK, so who here's never been stuck back in time before? "OH" Brian raises her hand. Everyone else looks at her with disbelief. PASTROMI And you've been in Starfleet for how long? "OH" BRIAN (dejectedly) Ten years. The Chief returns. (CONTINUED) 62 CONTINUED: 62 RING Boy, you sure don't look that old. PASTROMI (quickly) Yeah, well anyway, (changing subject) Chief, what's our status? CHIEF The perimeter is secure, and all enemies vanquished sir! PASTROMI Good! OK, everybody get inside the building! 63 INT. IAN'S ROOM 63 CLOSE SHOT on one of the awards in the room, then ZOOM OUT to show Pastromi looking at them, and everyone else relaxing. This room looks just as it always does when I visit. The closet doors are shut and the trumpet awards are very noticeable. Pastromi turns to everyone. PASTROMI Whoever lived here must have been one hell of a conceited bastard! CHIEF He was overly confident. PASTROMI Alright, well we need to get in contact with Starfleet. Any suggestions? (CONTINUED) 63 CONTINUED: 63 LOBES We could build a temporal communications device by inverting the tachyon matrix and reversing the polarity of the neutron flow. BETA This course of action would result in a matter/anti-matter explosion that would destroy the quadrant. LOBES (defensive) It will not! Come on, Captain! Who are you going to believe? Me or the infallible android? PASTROMI What do you suggest, Beta? BETA I would recommend obtaining access to the world wide web and then sending a time-delayed message to Starfleet command. PASTROMI OK, you Lobes and the Counsellor can work on that angle. "OH" BRIAN And what will we be doing, sir? PASTROMI We're going to fulfill my lifelong dream! Making me a God... The CAMERA ZOOMS IN on Pastromi until we get a CU of his face. We then... DISSOLVE TO: START DREAM OF GODHOOD 64 EXT. MOUNTAIN 64 Pastromi is standing atop a mountain with a clear view for miles. He is wearing fine clothing that would, in his mind, befit a God of his stature. Raising his arms, he states in a deep, booming, Godlike voice: PASTROMI BEHOLD, MY PEOPLE! 65 EXT. CITIES 65 The camera switches to various cities as numerous voices shout in unison: VOICES (V.O.) ALL HAIL THE LIVING GOD PASTROMI! 66 EXT. MOUNTAINTOP 66 PASTROMI CLUCK LIKE CHICKENS! 67 EXT. SOME CITY 67 VOICES (V.O.) CLUCK! 68 EXT. EARTH 68 VOICES (V.O.) CLUCK! 69 EXT. DEEP SPACE 69 VOICES (V.O.) CLUCK! 70 EXT. MOUNTAINTOP 70 The CAMERA moves around Pastromi as the voices chant: VOICES (V.O.) PASTROMI! PASTROMI! PASTROMI! END DREAM OF GODHOOD 71 INT. IAN'S ROOM 71 PASTROMI [eyes closed] Pastromi, Pastromi.. "OH" BRIAN Sir? PASTROMI (confused) Eh? Where was I? (serene) Oh yeah, the living God... (happy) Me! "OH" BRIAN (betrayed) But sir! That's against our prime directive! PASTROMI (confused) Our what? (annoyed) Oh, that. The Prime Directive only applies to alien cultures. It doesn't say anything about interfering with our own race. "OH" BRIAN (stubbornly) But it is morally wrong! (CONTINUED) 71 CONTINUED: 71 PASTROMI So I'll be a benevolent god. Now get to work or die. "OH" BRIAN (dejectedly) Yes sir. PASTROMI Chief, "Oh" Brian, Doctor, you're with me. Pastromi, the Chief, "OH" Brian and Doctor Ring exit the room. 72 EXT. IAN'S HOUSE 72 They walk towards the truck, but stop when they see the blue VW FOX. PASTROMI Let's try that vehicle instead. It looks faster! CHIEF It is weak. One photon torpedo would easily destroy it. PASTROMI Chief, one photon torpedo would easily destroy that house. CHIEF You forget Rule of Conquest number 147; "The Panzer is mightier than the sword!" PASTROMI Your point being? CHIEF (beat) Very well. We'll take the weak one. (CONTINUED) 72 CONTINUED: 72 They move to the VW FOX. Ring starts moving to the driver's seat, but Pastromi stops him. PASTROMI You know, doctor, I think I'll try driving the vehicle this time. RING OK. 73 INT. VW FOX 73 They all get inside the car. When Pastromi turns the key to start it, the radio turns on with some sort of loud music. Pastromi and the Chief pull out weapons. CHIEF It is an attack! RING It's cool! PASTROMI Yeah! Lets go! 74 INT. HOUSE - COMPUTER 74 The Counsellor is standing by a window in the upstairs of the house, watching the VW FOX leave. Beta is sitting by a computer, hitting a key on the keyboard repeatedly. Lobes is standing behind Beta, looking over his shoulder. As the CAMERA MOVES UP to the screen it is seen that there is an abort/ignore/retry error on the screen. LOBES So, how long before you have that thing working? (CONTINUED) 74 CONTINUED: 74 BETA (beat) I believe that it will begin to work after the next retry. He hits retry again. BETA Or perhaps the one after that. COUNSELLOR (under her breath) What the hell is a person with my obvious talents doing here with these imbeciles? BETA Please restate your inquiry in a slightly louder oscillation. COUNSELLOR (ignoring Beta) I mean, if anyone deserves to become a god, it's me. LOBES You? A god? That's about as likely to happen as Pastromi initiating universal peace. The Counsellor walks over to Lobes, hits him in the head and then hits the computer. It immediately starts working properly. BETA Counsellor, I did not realize that you were fluent in the technical workings of 20th century computers. COUNSELLOR Just hurry up and send the message so that we can get off this rock. 76 INT. VW FOX - CABIN 76 "OH" BRIAN So, where are we going Captain? PASTROMI Lets see, we need supplies and we need to know the strength of the local militia. CHIEF When I am through with them I shall count their dead and report my findings to you! "OH" BRIAN But sir.. PASTROMI Commander, I think we've heard just about enough of your moral mumbo-jumbo! (beat) So, does anyone have any suggestions as to how I should proceed with my coming Godhood? CHIEF Aye, sir! First, we must fire our phasers and throw them off guard. Then, they will begin to realize that you are all powerful, and therefore a god. After this, they will place all hope in the new deity; me. PASTROMI (Surprised) You? CHIEF Hmm, I didn't mean to say that. But you would have found out anyway, so I may as well tell you. The moment you ascend the throne, I intend to kill you and take it as my own. (CONTINUED) 76 CONTINUED: (2) 76 PASTROMI But Chief, Rule of Conquest number 56 specifically states, "David beat Goliath." CHIEF True. But like Rule number 57 says, "I'm not Goliath." PASTROMI Touche' 77 INT. HOUSE 77 Beta is running the "Solitaire" program in Windows 95. COUNSELLOR Okay, now remember, Lobes. When the Chief and Pastromi enter the room, fire. LOBES Why don't you do it? COUNSELLOR I'm a counsellor and have social value. You're just some mindless little dweeb that'll be the first to go when the revolution comes. LOBES (dryly) Right... [to Beta] Have you figured this thing out? BETA The operating system of this computer has several redundancies which have slowed my progress. For example, I encountered a program called "Solitaire" which occupied 95% of my CPU while it was in operation. (CONTINUED) 77 CONTINUED: 77 COUNSELLOR Yes, but have you sent the message? BETA Yes, counsellor. I sent the message fifteen minutes, twenty-two seconds ago. 78 INT. VW FOX 78 PASTROMI So, how about we stop and announce my intentions to whomever is listening. Pastromi parks the car at the side of the road. 79 EXT. VW FOX 79 Everyone in the car gets out. Pastromi then stops SOME GUY who is passing by. PASTROMI You there! Bow before your new god! SOME GUY I don't know, I don't think you're really a god. Pastromi pulls out his phaser and vaporizes Some Guy. PASTROMI Are there any other athiests here, or shall I accept your endorsement of my goodhood? SOMEONE ELSE walks up to Pastromi. SOMEONE ELSE Hey, uh, where can I get one of those things? (CONTINUED) 79 CONTINUED: 79 PASTROMI Well.. VOICE (V.O.) Faragit to Admiral Pastromi, can your hear me? PASTROMI Oh hell, there goes the... (quietly) Admiral? Pastromi pauses, and thinks about this latest developement. After a moment, he turns toward "Oh" Brian. PASTROMI "Don't interfere with the timeline" you said! "Could cause trouble!" Pastromi shakes his head at "Oh" Brian, then straightens his shirt, takes a deep breath and touches his his communicator. PASTROMI (smugly) Admiral Pastromi here! VOICE (V.O.) If you get yourself to an isolated spot, we can beam you out of there. PASTROMI Uh, we're in one now. VOICE (V.O.) Our sensors tell us that there are several other humans around you. (CONTINUED) 79 CONTINUED: (2) 79 PASTROMI Those are, uh, cats. We share over 80% of the same DNA you know. VOICE (V.O.) Our science officer confirms that. Energizing! The four of them are beamed out before the onlooking people's eyes. 80 EXT. FARAGIT AND OTHER SHIPS 80 The three ships quickly fly past the planet and then warp out of sight as we... FADE OUT. END OF ACT FOUR _________________________________________________________________ TAG FADE IN: 81 EXT. STARBASE - ESTABLISHING 81 82 INT. STARBASE - HALLWAY 82 A few hours have passed since the last act. ADMIRAL SMITH, a Starfleet Admiral Pastromi doesn't know the first name of, meets him and shakes his hand. ADMIRAL SMITH It's good to have you back, Cliff. When we heard about the destruction of the Intrepid, we feared the worst. PASTROMI (He's guessing) Uh, thanks, uh, John. ADMIRAL SMITH Of course, your crew wouldn't have survived without your ingenuity. I read the report. If it hadn't been for the quick thinking and great leadership that we've all come to expect from you, everything would have been lost. PASTROMI (conceited) Yeah, I am good, aren't I. ADMIRAL SMITH And modest! PASTROMI & ADMIRAL SMITH Ha ha ha ha ha! (CONTINUED) 82 CONTINUED: 82 ADMIRAL SMITH Oh, and I never got a chance to congratulate you on your historic signing last week! Now I know you've probably heard this from everyone, but you deserve it. Congratulations. They shake hands again and then go on their separate ways. As he moves on, a couple other officers shake his hand and offer congratulations on whatever he accomplished the previous week. PASTROMI [to himself] I've gotta remember to find out what I supposedly did last week. He sees the Chief walking down the hallway in the opposite direction. The Chief sees Pastromi and walks over to greet him. Pastromi instinctively flinches. CHIEF Capt.. Admiral! PASTROMI Chief, how's it going! The Chief looks extremely concerned about something. CHIEF Something is wrong. PASTROMI Such as? CHIEF I am not sure. People here are not fearful of my presence. They treat me as though I were their.. their.. The Chief pauses momentarily, trying to find the right words for what he is about to say. He finally spits out the last word. (CONTINUED) 82 CONTINUED (2) 82 CHIEF friend. PASTROMI So what? Haven't you ever had any friends before? CHIEF (Solemnly) One, once. Beat. PASTROMI Well, what happened? CHIEF (solemnly) There was a battle, (uilding up) a great battle! He fought valiantly, but in the end, I crushed him! Pastromi takes a step back. CHIEF But it isn't just that. Many of them have addressed me by my first name. SOME CREWMEMBER walks by them. SOME CREWMEMBER Hi Hal! The Chief smashes Some Crewmember directly in the chest. The man is thrown against the wall. PASTROMI (surprised) Hal? (CONTINUED) 82 CONTINUED: (3) 82 CHIEF It is a nickname. It's short for my real name, Halcyon. PASTROMI So that's what your name is! CHIEF So you see why I deleted it from the records. PASTROMI Not really. Pastromi then moves over to Some Crewmember. PASTROMI [touches his communicator] Admiral Pastromi to sick-bay, we seem to have a, uh, [checks his pulse] death, of... [Glances around] ..natural causes in the hallway. You'd best send someone up here right away. They continue to move down the hallway. PASTROMI [to Chief] Chief, this kind of thing has got to stop until we can figure out what's going on. CHIEF Very well. They walk without talking for a few seconds. CHIEF Where is "OH" Brian? (CONTINUED) 82 CONTINUED: (4) 82 PASTROMI I had him court-marshalled. There are advantages to being an admiral, you know. ANOTHER CREWMEMBER walks up and shakes Pastromi's hand. ANOTHER CREWMEMBER Congratulations on last week's signing, Admiral! Another Crewmember walks away. PASTROMI Any idea about what he's talking about Chief? CHIEF None. PASTROMI I guess it'll be a surprise. CHIEF A blitzkrieg is often a surprise. PASTROMI [nods knowingly] Rule of Conquest number 123. The Chief nods. PASTROMI See ya later Chief. CHIEF [nodding] Sir. Pastromi moves down the hall until he gets to another door. This is the door to his temporary quarters. He enters the room. 83 INT. STARBASE - PASTROMI'S QUARTERS 83 Pastromi's room looks quite bland, as all Starfleet rooms do. There is a bed, a computer terminal and a table. ADMIRAL SMITH (V.O.) Admiral Smith to Admiral Pastromi. PASTROMI Pastromi here. ADMIRAL SMITH (V.O.) Just thought you should know that a new ship will be unveiled tomorrow morning at 09:00. PASTROMI Right, thanks. Pastromi out. Pastromi walks over to the computer console on his wall. PASTROMI Computer, list all information regarding last week's historic signing. The camera angle is from the side as Pastromi's expression changes to shock. The CAMERA then changes to a CLOSE SHOT of the computer's screen. INSERT: CU PEACE TREATY ON STARDATE 43962.8, ADMIRAL PASTROMI SIGNED A TREATY DECLARING PEACE BETWEEN THE FEDERATION AND ALL KNOWN SENTIENT BEINGS IN THE ALPHA, BETA AND GAMMA QUADRANTS. DELEGATES FROM ALL MAJOR RACES WERE IN ATTENDANCE TO SIGN THIS HISTORIC ACT. THE BORG, DOMINION AND KLINGON EMPIRES WERE AMONG THE MANY WITH WHOM WE ARE NOW AT PEACE. BACK TO SCENE CU on Pastromi's expression which is of absolute horror. (CONTINUED) 83 CONTINUED: 83 INSERT: CLOSE SHOT ON PEACE TREATY PEACE BETWEEN THE FEDERATION INSERT: CLOSE SHOT ON PEACE TREATY THE BORG, DOMINION INSERT: CLOSE SHOT ON PEACE TREATY AND KLINGON EMPIRE CU on Pastromi's face. Then CU on the whole peace treaty as we... FADE OUT. Superimpose: TO BE CONTINUED... END OF TAG THE END