Tales of Starfleet
Montage
Pre-Prologue
by Phillip Barlow
(p.barlow@ic.ac.uk)

Montage - Pre-Prologue:
A brief background of relations between the Federation and the Chefrn

For 200 years, the Chefrn had ruled over the peoples of Sectors 8417 and 8149 with an iron hand. Together with their allies, the Br'aa, who held sway over Sectors 8418 and 8420, they formed the self-styled 'Golden Quadrant', an area of space virtually sealed off from outsiders. For the majority of the great powers, this was fine - the Golden Quadrant was of little strategic value and had little in the way of unique resources. But, the fledgling United Federation of Planets, upon hearing reports of atrocities from within the Chefrn Empire and Br'aa Alliance, decided to try and improve things. For more than a century, the Federation attempted to open lines of communication with the Chefrn, only to be rebuffed on every occasion. As time passed however, the Federation became embroiled in other matters, and the Chefrn situation became less of a concern.

In 2374, the planet Karee, on the edge of Sector 8420, rose up in rebellion against the rule of the Br'aa, and succeeded in forcing them to retreat. With the removal of Br'aa rule, the new provisional government of Karee requested the protection of the Federation. The subsequent extension of the Federation's sphere of influence was the first reduction in the size of the Golden Quadrant in almost five centuries, and led to more and more worlds rising against the rule of the Br'aa. This in turn led to the Br'aa requesting military assistance from the Chefrn in quelling the uprisings. When they did so, they were forced to pull troops from the garrisons of their own worlds, an action that encouraged dissidents on those planets to ferment discontent against Chefrn rule, in turn leading to uprisings on Chefrn worlds. Although there was nothing like the trouble experienced by the Br'aa, it encouraged the Chefrn to consider the need to expand beyond the boundaries of the Golden Quadrant in an effort to assert their strength. Using the ongoing Dominion War as a cover, the Chefrn began secretly moving available troops into positions from where they could strike when required.

Following the end of the Dominion War, the major powers of the Alpha Quadrant took time out to lick their wounds. It was during this period that the Chefrn launched their first attempt at expansion. Using a noted criminal known as 'Mr Big', the Chefrn were able to obtain a Cardassian self-guided weapon and a Klingon Bird-of-Prey, intending to use them to start a war between the Klingons and Cardassians, a war into which the Federation would be dragged, destabilising it enough to allow the Chefrn to move into the border area. Although this scheme failed, it did not quell the enthusiasm of the Chefrn for expansion. However, instead of direct action, in the manner of provoking a war, the Chefrn chose to encourage terrorism by dissidents on various Federation worlds. This included the bombing of the cloning facility on Arcturus IV by the militant anti-cloning movement, and the assassination of the head of the V'Shar by isolationists on Vulcan. The most notorious though was the Kalera III suicide attack. This involved an assault by eight shuttlecraft, packed with tricobalt explosive, on the St John orbital shipyard at Kalera III by the planet's violent secessionist faction. This attack was directed predominantly at the eight vessels being built there for the Federation Line; four starliners, the Normandie, United States, Ile de France and America, and four large cargo ships, the Catherine, Olivia, Virginia and Lara. Although the planetary security force stopped seven of the shuttles, one was able to get through and strike the Normandie. The damage, though not significant, was enough to prevent the ship meeting its launch date. A further result was that the Federation Line awarded follow-up contracts for four more liners and two cargo ships to the surface based Okana shipyard on Bajor, which they felt was more easily defensible.

Although there was no direct evidence of Chefrn involvement in the various terrorist attacks, the Federation made the decision to maintain a wary eye on the Golden Quadrant. This was vindicated when the cruise liner Cunard Countess was pursued and attacked by two unknown vessels while on a cruise that took the ship close to the Chefrn border. The result of this was that the Federation warned all civilian shipping to stay away from the Golden Quadrant, and had Starfleet maintain a presence in the region. In addition, Starfleet left standing orders that any world in the Golden Quadrant requesting Federation assistance would be given it immediately. This action encouraged further uprising; more Br'aa worlds began to revolt, again leading to the Br'aa requesting assistance from the Chefrn. The movement of Chefrn troops away from their own space left their worlds exposed, resulting in uprisings on several worlds in Sectors 8417 and 8419. Although the Chefrn were able to deal with most of these, the planets Nitevma Rohnt and Nitevma Uohst, both in the Cherel T'Nak system on the edge of Sector 8419 proved more difficult. Although local loyalists eventually quelled the revolt on Nitevma Rohnt, the revolt on Nitevma Uohst succeeded in removing the local administration and the Chefrn garrison. Immediately on taking power, the provisional government requested Federation assistance, a request that was responded to by the starship Furious. In an attempt to regain the situation, the Chefrn despatched two cruisers and a carrier, along with half a brigade of troops, to secure the planet before the Furious could arrive. They managed to arrive first, and ambushed the Colossus class starship on its entry into the system. Although the Furious was able to beat off the Chefrn vessels and secure the planet, they were unable to prevent the Chefrn likewise securing Nitevma Rohnt and fortifying it. The Federation's responsibility led to them taking the decision to send troops to Nitevma Uohst to prevent the Chefrn attempting to re-conquer the planet. Unfortunately, this was seen by some on the planet, probably influenced by Chefrn agents, calling the Federation troops an invading army. These dissidents against the new provisional government were able to organize themselves sufficiently to undertake an assault on the Federation's muster point on the desert plain south of the city of Aadgnn. The leaders of this group, which called itself the Revolutionary Freedom Army and included members of the old local administration, then proceeded to declare themselves the legitimate government of Nitevma Uohst, and allied themselves with the Chefrn. They then declared war on the provisional government and the Federation, leading the Federation into precisely the situation it did not want to find itself - a local civil war.

Montage - Prologue 1:
Dramatis Personae

The Sun was low on the horizon over Lake Ontario, casting a golden glint over the gently rippling water. As he always did at this time of day, Bush Coolidge Senior, known to everybody as 'Butch', sat on his back porch, a beer in his hand, watching the sunset. Ordinarily, this was his quiet time to reflect on the events of the day just gone. Today though was different, because in his garden were two-dozen members of his family running around, playing games, laughing and generally having a good time.

"It has been a long time since so many members of your house were in one place," said Butch's companion on the porch, a giant Klingon named D'Kal. D'Kal was now the military attaché to the Klingon Ambassador on Earth, but they had first met on Icalzian V, in a bar brawl between crewmen of the two ships they had been serving on.

"Yes it has," replied Butch, who was watching a man dressed all in black walking along the lakeshore. "And it will be a long time until they're all in one place again." He looked at D'Kal, who had a grin on his face.

"Do not be sad my friend," he said, clasping a great hand on Butch's shoulder. "Instead glory at the great things they will do. Tell me now." Butch could not help but smile; in spite of his Klingon manner, D'Kal was ever the optimist.

"Alright." He pointed at his eldest son, Bush Junior, or BJ. "BJ is leaving for Vulcan in a week to take up a surgical post at the Central Medical Centre."

"Good," said D'Kal. "Healers are needed. What is the point of having great warriors if they die in their beds of disease that could have been cured? And young Riana will learn much from the Vulcans." D'Kal indicated Butch's young granddaughter, asleep in the arms of her mother, Catherine.

"Jack," said Butch, indicating his second son, Jackson, "has just been posted as a war correspondent to 'Stars and Stripes', attached to the First Army."

"Excellent. He is a warrior, but he will also let others know of the glorious deeds of his brother warriors."

"Mac," continued Butch, pointing to his eldest daughter, McKinley, "is about to start work in a ship design team at Utopia Planitia."

"Designing the ships to gain glory in battle, and gain knowledge through exploration."

"Jeff has just been assigned to protection duty with the Secret Service."

"Protecting those who govern."

"Kennedy is about to give birth to my first grandson, before she and Michael move to Bajor where he has a post with the Diplomatic Service."

"A grandson to carry on your family name."

"Wil has just enlisted in the Marines."

"The new warrior in your family, to carry on the fine tradition you began. Surely then my friend, there is nothing to feel sad about. You have fine sons and daughters, who in turn have given you grandchildren who will carry on the traditions of your family. And not only them, but also your entire house, with the children of your brother and the children of your sister in turn brining honour to your family. Do not forget that the pride you feel for them all streches further than space and cannot be stopped by mere distance. No matter where they are, they will always be here." D'Kal placed his fist on his chest.

"You always know how to make me feel better," said Butch.

"Good," replied D'Kal. "Then you can make me feel better by getting rid of this tasteless swill and joining me in a real drink. I have a case of bloodwine that needs to be drunk by men of glory."

"You know what Caroline will say."

"BAH!" said D'Kal, laughing heartily. "If you end up in such a state that she need say anything, then you are not the stout hearted fellow I thought, and you deserve everything you have coming to you. Come, let us drink and sing songs to the glory of the House of Coolidge!"

* * * * *

The crew of the starship Mariner had been cooped up on convoy duty for the better part of a year. So, when the ship had been ordered back to Earth, booked in for an extensive refit, the prospect of at least eight months planetside caused great excitement. The temporary failure of the warp drive and the arrival of a Romulan troop convoy at Deep Space Nine had brought fresh anxiety. This anxiety was magnified for four officers in particular. So it was that Captain White had ordered her deputy chief of security, senior shuttle pilot, senior exobiologist and deputy operations manager off the ship and onto DS9's leisure areas. These four had all put in for new postings, with which would come promotions. The anxiety was due to the waiting for the news that they had been successful or not.

"Do you think we should check if the signal has arrived?" asked Erica Campbell, the youngest of the four. Although she was an exobiologist, she had initially trained as a nurse, and had decided to return to that.

"The captain said she'd tell us when she gets it," replied Kyli Ryan, a shuttle pilot with a reputation as one of the most gifted flyers in the service. "I'm hungry. Is anyone else hungry?"

"I am," said Sydney Moon, the Mariner's deputy chief of security.

"Me too," said Aria Giovanni, an engineer by trade who had only taken the operations posting on the Mariner because of a lack of junior engineering positions. The four of them climbed the stairs to the upper level of the Promenade and found an empty table outside the Ferengi tavern. Immediately, a Ferengi waiter appeared to take their order. Once they had made their choices, the waiter disappeared again, leaving the quartet to chat amongst themselves. It was Moon, ever alert to possible trouble, who noticed the two men heading in their direction.

"LADIES, LADIES, LADIES. JAY AND SILENT BOB IS IN DA HOUSE!"

"Excuse me?" said Giovanni.

"Sorry, forgot my manners. I'm Jay, and this is my hetero life mate Silent Bob. Now, who wants to be the first to go?" The four looked at each other. "I got me some kick-ass indo to puff and get relaxed before we gets to doin' it like bunnies." This caused Moon to snarl as she reached across the table to grab the interloper by his lapels.

"Watch your mouth dick-brain, or next time I won't grab you so far up!"

"Easy Sydney," said Ryan. "Remember Starbase 37." Moon slowly released the man. "I suggest you make yourself scarce," continued Ryan. "Unless you want us to call station security."

"S'Up? I's only playin'. C'mon Silent Bob." As the loudmouth turned away, his companion shrugged his shoulders at the quartet, before pointing at his partner and rolling his eyes. "LET'S GO FATASS!"

"Well, that was interesting," said Campbell. Before anyone could say anything else, they were interrupted by a call from their captain. The signal they had been waiting for had arrived.

* * * * *

"You'll be pleased to know I'm sure, that the warp drive is almost repaired," said Captain White to the four assembled in front of her desk. She noticed that all four of them were visibly tense, despite them all being rigidly at attention. Although the situation was ripe for leg-pulling, White could see that if she withheld the contents of the signal much longer, someone would probably risk a court martial by taking a swing at her. "First, congratulations to all of you. You have each received a promotion to the rank of full Lieutenant. Now, as to individual assignments." White looked at her PADD. "Lieutenant Ryan, you are to report to squadron SSP-89 'Waveriders' as soon as they've finished their tour aboard the Wasp. Apparently they're to undergo conversion training before shipping out with the Midway."

"Thank you ma'am."

"Lieutenant Campbell, the Starfleet Nursing Board has accepted your preliminary test scores and a favourable report from Commander Deema. You're to report to the hospital on Starbase 149 for advanced training prior to taking the Board exams.

"Yes Captain."

"Lieutenant Moon. Starfleet Security has put you on the new list of ten names to be seconded to the Federation Military Police Corps' Investigation Branch. You have orders to report to the Headquarters of 500 Provost Regiment at Fort Hamilton, New York."

"Thank You Captain."

"Lieutenant Giovanni, you're to report to the engineering support vessel Von der Tann once she has completed refit."

"Aye Captain."

"Alright, until we get back to Earth, you're still crew members of this ship, and I'm sure you all have work to do. Dismissed."

* * * * *

"This session of the Services Appropriations Committee will come to order." The chairman banged his gavel down twice, causing a hush to fall over the committee room. "We're grateful to Admiral Shelbrook, Starfleet's director of planning, for taking time out of his busy schedule to be here today."

"Thank you Mr Chairman," said Admiral Shelbrook, seated at the table opposite the committee's bench. "I'm honoured to be here."

"Now, let me explain what we're all doing. This committee has been asked by the Federation Council to gain some explanation as to Starfleet's significant use of private vessels for its transport needs. Admiral?

"The Federation has had increased commitments recently, which has resulted in an expansion of land forces. This expansion has exceeded the growth of Starfleet's transport fleet in the aftermath of the Dominion War. Even with the capacity afforded by the Starfleet Auxiliary Service, it still remains inadequate to meet the needs of both the Federation Military and Starfleet."

"So Starfleet believes it necessary to obtain the capacity it needs from private sources?"

"Yes sir."

"Why not simply build the extra capacity?"

"Given the current climate following the end of the Dominion War, Starfleet's priority is the rebuilding of the fleet."

"Yes, I'd like you to comment on that. I understand the New Cunard Line Shipping Company has negotiated a contract to build its three new liners," the member consulted his PADD, "Queen Mary, Queen Elizabeth and Queen Victoria at the Utopia Planitia Fleet Yard."

"That's correct. Following the Kelana III attack, shipping companies have become nervous about having their major ships being built outside of secure areas."

"But isn't Utopia Planitia used exclusively for Starfleet construction?"

"I can't comment on the policy of Utopia Planitia's board, but Starfleet has decided that rather than engage in significant new construction, existing vessels can be repaired and recommissioned. This work is less profitable, so, I can only assume, Utopia Planitia took on this extensive contract with Cunard. I can say however that Utopia Planitia has insisted that the three ships be made available to Starfleet as and when needed. Starfleet has come to similar arrangements with other shipping lines."

New Cunard Line Fleet SL Anglia: Earth-Betazed CL Aquitania: Cruising SL Armenia: Earth-Alpha Centauri-Vega SL Assyria: Earth-Aldebaran CL Berengaria: Cruising SL Britannia: Earth-Betazed SL Caledonia: Earth-Betazed CL Caronia: Cruising CL Cunard Countess: Cruising CL Cunard Princess: Cruising SL Estonia: Earth-Andor-Alpha Eridani SL Galatia: Earth-Trill SL Georgia: Earth-Alpha Centauri-Vega SL Germania: Earth-Trill SL Hibernia: Earth-Betazed SL Latvia: Earth-Andor-Alpha Eridani SL Lithuania: Earth-Andor-Alpha Eridani SL Lusitania: Earth-Vulcan-Bajor SL Macedonia: Earth-Aldebaran SL Mauretania: Earth-Vulcan-Bajor SL Russia: Earth-Alpha Centauri-Vega		Orient Line Fleet CL Aurora: Cruising CL Canberra: Cruising SL Orama: Earth-Betazed SL Orcades: Earth-Betazed CL Oriana: Cruising SL Oronsay: Earth-Pacifica SL Orsova: Earth-Pacifica SL Otranto: Earth-Pacifica SL Strathaird: Betazed-Bajor SL Strathallan: Betazed-Bajor
		Star Line Fleet CL Empress of the Stars: Cruising CL Princess of the Stars: Cruising CL Queen of the Stars: Cruising CL Sovereign of the Stars: Cruising
Federation Line Fleet SL America: Earth-Rigel SL Ile de France: Earth-Rigel SL Normandie: Earth-Vulcan-Bajor SL United States: Earth-Vulcan-Bajor		New Construction New Cunard Line SL Queen Mary SL Queen Elizabeth CL Queen Victoria
	Federation Line SL Imperator SL Rex SL Vaterland SL Conte di Savoia
	Star Line CL Olympic CL Titanic CL Britannic

"So what is the status of the Federation Line?"

"The Federation Line is wholly owned by the Federation Transport Directorate. In any instance where large transport ships are needed, Starfleet will go to them first."

"I'm a little confused Admiral. What exactly does this mean?"

"It means that in the event of Starfleet requiring additional transport capacity, rather than directly chartering vessels, we can go to one of the companies we have agreements with and obtain the capacity we need."

"For a fee?"

"Compensation for loss of earnings on each vessel, based on the rates the company would normally receive."

"And that works out as more economical?"

"Yes sir."

"I see. Well, I think, unless there is anything else, that concludes the questions we have for the moment. Thank you Admiral."

Montage - Prologue 2:
Familiar Characters in Unfamiliar Places

The sun was slowly descending over the mountains to the west of the great plain of the Okana desert, causing the shadows produced by the great arches that dominated the vista to lengthen. The arches, 18 in total and each stretching almost a kilometre into the sky, were located in groups of three over six giant pits carved out of the desert floor. These six pits together formed the Okana Shipyard, the largest and most extensive surface based shipyard in the Alpha Quadrant. On the front arch of each pit, the eastern most arch in each case, was a giant display bearing the name of the ship under construction - nearest the mountains were the Jane and the Conte di Savoia. Ahead of them were the Vaterland and the Duleepa, while the two nearest held the Rex and Imperator.

Angel stood on the catwalk on the first arch over the Imperator, watching the workers leaving each pit and heading towards the main gate, and the train to take them back to Okana City.

"Thinking of ending it all?" said a voice behind Angel.

"It's a bit difficult to end it all when it's already been ended for you," replied Angel, turning around. "How are you Lucky?"

"Not so bad," replied Lucky. "You?"

"Pretty much the same as when the Powers That Be decided they wanted me to go back to being dead."

"So, you're still bearing a grudge over that," said Lucky with a wry smile. "At least you're not a vampire."

"No, just an abstract, without form or function."

"Until now." Angel looked at Lucky.

"What do you mean?"

"They have a job for you."

"So now they need me. And its only been 400 years." Angel turned back to the edge, staring out towards the mountains.

"This is important."

"And my life wasn't!? I paid my debt. I was their champion against whatever was thrown at me. I did everything they asked, but when the end came, did they give me any peace?"

"What do you want me to say?" replied Lucky. "Yes, you got screwed. You deserved happiness and you didn't get it. But they had some purpose for you and this is it. So stop with the whole brooding thing and listen up." This brought a smile to Angel's face.

"Haven't you heard?" he said. "Brooding is what I do."

"That's the spirit. Let's go." Lucky grasped Angel's arm and together, they walked through the white light that had appeared at the end of the catwalk.

* * * * *

"Where are we?" said Angel as he watched the sun slipping below the horizon.

"The town of Niagara-on-the-Lake, on the southern shore of Lake Ontario. If you look carefully over there, you'll just be able to make out the lights of Toronto."

"Earth?"

"Yep." Lucky started walking along the shoreline. "Come on." Together, they headed off, walking past several houses with picket fence gardens. "And here we are," said Lucky as they stopped outside a house that was larger than most of the others. In the back garden, which faced onto the lake, was a large group of people, apparently in the process of a barbecue. Some were grouped around the grill; others were sitting at a large table, while more were stood around talking or playing games. "The Coolidge residence. Owned by the family patriarch, Bush Coolidge Senior." Lucky pointed to a man with silver coloured hair sitting on the back porch, talking with a large Klingon. "A former officer in the Marines, and now a security consultant. Married to Caroline, with seven children. Five boys and two girls."

"Is this leading anywhere?"

"The five boys are the reason we're here. At some point in the future, a descendent of one of them is going to be a champion. But, there is a slight problem." Lucky gave a lightly sheepish smile. "We're not sure which one it is."

"And?"

"They're all going to be involved in a coming war. The Powers That Be don't want anything to happen to them."

"So what does this have to do with me?" asked Angel.

"They want you to keep them safe."

"In case they haven't noticed," said Angel as he passed his hand through a fence post. "Non-corporeal. No substance."

"That's why you're getting some help," said Lucky, turning to face Angel, who found himself back on the catwalk over the Imperator.

* * * * *

Angel stood at one of the big windows inside Bajor's orbital passenger terminal. On this side of the facility were six berths, of which three were occupied - the Bajoran passenger ships City of Janir and City of B'Hala sat on either side of the massive starliner Lusitania. However, Angel's focus was on the equally impressive starliner United States that was presently docking. As soon as it was secure, three barges nuzzled up to the underside of the liner to remove the cargo from its holds.

"Come on," said Lucky. Together, he and Angel walked along to the berth occupied by the United States. As with most large passenger ships, it had four airlocks in its bow to make disembarkation quicker. The upper two were used by those in the so called 'Upper Class' accommodation, while the lower two, 15 metres below, were used by the 'Tourist Class' accommodation. It was to this that the pair paused, watching the passengers enter the station. "Ah, there they are." Lucky pointed to two figures emerging from the liner.

"You're joking," replied Angel. The two were the complete antithesis of what he was expecting. The taller one was thin, with shoulder length blond hair, wearing sloppy sweat pants, a leisure top and stocking cap. The other was shorter and rounder, with shoulder length black hair and a black beard, wearing a long green coat and white baseball cap turned backwards.

"Yep," said Lucky. "They're abstracts, just like you and me." Angel watched as the two of them went up to the nearest café.

"If they're abstracts, how come they're holding two mugs of beer?"

"They're abstracts alright. They were smoking a bad batch of weed back in the early 21st century and died. They were just too stoned to realise it. We've been trying to convince them for about 380 years with no luck. Now, as it turns out, they're useful as they are."

"So, what do you want me to do?" asked Angel.

"Convince them to join the military."

* * * * *

"I'm tellin' you Silent Bob, this place is the bomb!" Jay stood at the table, watching the tide of people go by. "I've heard this place is stitched up so tight they're just bursting out for some recreation. BUNG!!" Silent Bob nodded while silently puffing at his cigarette. "Once we get to this Deep Space Nine place, we's gonna make us a fortune."

"Hey guys, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Whoa, check out the dude in the all black. Nice threads darkman." Jay turned to Silent Bob. "Some get up huh lunchbox?" Silent Bob cocked his partner a frown. "I'm Jay and this tubby bitch is my hetero life mate, Silent Bob. So, what can we do for you, midnight?"

"I want you both to join the army." This request caused both Jay and Silent Bob to open their eyes wide in surprise. The two then looked at each other.

"Did he just say what I think he said?" asked Jay. Silent Bob nodded, with a bewildered look on his face. "Did you just say what I thought you said?"

"Yeah, I said what you thought I said."

"Why the fuck would you want us to join the army?"

"There are some people that need watching out for. You're going to watch out for them."

"In the army?"

"Yep."

"Dude," said Jay, addressing Silent Bob. "This guy must have been smoking a badass batch to be spewin' this shit." Silent Bob nodded in agreement. "I'm telling ya midnight, you'd best find someone to set you up with some better weed or you'll end up pullin' someone's chain. Me and Silent Bob ain't joinin no army. All we here to do is sell some dope, make a fortune and hook up with a couple of them fine ass bitches that's around here. Come on Silent Bob, let's go find out when that shuttle leaves." Together, the pair left Angel at the table.

"That went well," said Lucky.

"What did you expect? They're hardly West Point material," replied Angel. "You still say it has to be them?"

"Yes, they're the only ones. It can't be another abstract, because we can't interact with corporeal beings, and it can't be a corporeal, because the Powers can't ensure their movements in the same way."

"Then you persuade them."

"I can't because they can't see me. They're still thinking like humans."

"So why can they see me? I know I'm not human."

"You know you're an abstract," said Lucky. "You just don't accept it." He smiled at Angel. "Come on. I know where they're going."

* * * * *

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Mother mother fuck. Mother mother fuck fuck. Mother fuck, mother fuck. Noise, noise, noise. One, two, one two three four. Noise, noise, noise. Smokin' weed, smokin' weed, doin coke, drinkin' beers. Rollin' fatties, smokin' blunts. Who smokes the blunts? We smokes the blunts." Jay stopped his discourse and turned to Silent Bob. "I'm tellin' you Silent Bob, the universe is all the same. Wherever you go, there's always gonna be a convenience market." Silent Bob nodded his agreement while puffing on his cigarette. The pair were stood on the Promenade of Deep Space Nine, outside the convenience store. Every now and then, Jay would try to attract the attention of a passer-by, but for the most part he just sang out loud, Silent Bob silently at his side.

"Hey man," said a youngster who appeared in front of them. "Gimme a bag of whatever you got." This caused Jay and Silent Bob to look at each other.

"Fifteen bucks, little man. Put that shit, in my hand. If that money doesn't show, then you owe me owe me owe. My jungle love. Oh e oh e oh, I think I wanna know ya, know ya...what?" Jay stopped singing as he noticed the youngster staring at him.

"What are you singing?"

"You mean you don't know 'Jungle Love'?" The boy shook his head. "By the greatest band in the history of the universe, the mother fuckin' Time!"

"Hey!" came a voice from behind them. It belonged to a Bajoran male with sandy coloured hair. "What have I told you about dealin' in front of the store?" Confused, Jay turned to Silent Bob, who had an equally bewildered expression.

"Nuthin' man, we don't know you." This caused the Bajoran to look confused.

"Well," he said, "don't do it. Oh, and by the way, I've heard of the Time and, FYI, they sucked balls. Now get out of here before I call Security."

"Why you..." started Jay as he moved towards the Bajoran, who had gone into the convenience store. Silent Bob laid a hand on his arm, with his other index finger pointed at his temple. Jay frowned, as if trying to remember something.

"You know Silent Bob, there's something very familiar about all this." Silent Bob raised his eyes skyward. "Come on," continued Jay. "I've got a feelin' this ain't gonna turn well."

* * * * *

Angel watched from his vantage point on the upper level as the pair departed from the convenience store.

"They've been through that exact situation before and he couldn't remember it? This keeps getting better and better."

"Don't worry, you'll know your opening when it comes." The two turned to walk away, to find themselves confronted by a human with bleached blond hair, dressed all in black.

"Now here's a face I never thought I'd see again. How's things Angel?"

"Not so bad Spike. Yourself?"

"Getting on with things."

"How goes the whole soul thing? Figured it out yet?"

"I'm getting there. Of course that time in LA didn't help much."

"Sorry to hear that."

"Heard you became human."

"Yeah well, Powers That Be decided I'd done enough, so they gave me the whole happy ever after thing." Spike's face clouded over.

"That's the funny thing," continued Spike. "You're human, and yet you're still alive, when really you should be a desiccated corpse. You're human, and yet although I can see you, my brain is telling me you aren't here."

"There's a funny story there. It seems that the Powers That Be, after giving me my happy ever after, decided that I hadn't gone far enough with the whole restitution thing. So they ended my mortal existence and re-created me as an abstract; a half-remembered thought."

"If you're an abstract, how can I see you?"

"I'm not happy about it, that's why."

"Hmm. What's with those two?" Angel looked at Lucky, who shrugged.

"What two?" Angel could see a look of suspicion on Spike's face.

"Never mind. Good luck with whatever it is you've got planned."

"He's suspicious," said Lucky as Spike walked off.

"I don't see what of," replied Angel.

"He doesn't trust you. He's going for the Slayer."

"There's a Slayer here?"

"Yes, a Slayer who could very well cause significant trouble to the plan the Powers have for our two friends. Don't forget, she has no connection to Them. We'll have to move quickly."

* * * * *

"Check it out Silent Bob. I think I have died and gone to heaven." Silent Bob nodded his agreement enthusiastically, a broad smile on his face. They were outside the upper level entrance to the local tavern. Sat at one of the tables were four female Starfleet officers, two blond and two brunette. With no thought of any possible consequences, Jay strode up to the table with his silent partner in tow. "LADIES, LADIES, LADIES. JAY AND SILENT BOB IS IN DA HOUSE!"

"Excuse me?" asked one of the brunettes.

"Sorry, forgot my manners. I'm Jay, and this here is my hetero life partner Silent Bob. Now, who wants to be the first to go?" Silent Bob raised his eyes skyward again. "I got me some kick-ass indo to puff and get relaxed before we gets to doin' it like bunnies." This caused one of the blonds to emit a snarl as she reached across the table to grab Jay by his lapels.

"Watch your mouth dick-brain, or next time I won't grab you so far up!"

"Easy Sydney," said one of the brunettes. "Remember Starbase 37." The blond who held Jay released him slowly. "I suggest you make yourself scarce," the brunette then said to Jay. "Unless you want us to call station security."

"S'up? I's only playin'. Come on Silent Bob." As Jay turned away, Silent Bob shrugged his shoulders at the quartet, before pointing to his partner and rolling his eyes. "LET'S GO FAT ASS!"

* * * * *

As the pair walked along the lower Promenade, they found themselves being followed by a pair of Bajoran security officers.

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Silent Bob suddenly, as they started to walk faster. His fears were confirmed when another pair appeared in front of them. They were nowhere near any of the crossover bridges leading to the habitat ring, or a turbolift.

"So what now?" said Jay. As if to say 'eureka!', Silent Bob stuck his finger in the air, before pulling out his grapple gun. Aiming at the ceiling, he fired, sending the hook upwards. When it struck home, he secured it to his belt and, grabbing Jay, activated the reel, sending them high over the Promenade. Detaching the line, they landed on the upper level and, with no security to cut them off, made a clean break for a turbolift.

"Nice escape," said Lucky, as he and Angel watched the pair.

"Yeah, but they'll still be picked up," replied Angel. His eyes narrowed though as a thought came to him, which then began morphing into an idea.

* * * * *

Jay and Silent Bob were running along a deserted corridor. In spite of their daredevil escape on the Promenade, station security was still on their heels. Yet, in spite of their predicament, they stopped dead when, upon turning a corner, they found themselves face to face with the man in black.

"You boys seem to be in a bind. Anything I can do to help?"

"Not unless you've got some way of getting us off this station."

"It's funny you should say that." A sceptical look came over Jay. "I can get you out of here and make sure security forget who you are."

"How?"

"Never mind that. There's something though that I want from you."

"Yeah, what?"

"Join the army."

"You gotta be shittin' me! That again?"

"It's either that or a stretch in the fun house. Clock's ticking fellas." Jay looked at Silent Bob.

"You know, those puffed up army prisses are always lookin' for ways to relax," said Jay. Silent Bob nodded in agreement. "You got a deal."

"Excellent choice gentlemen. This way please." He pointed to a door. Whatever doubts the pair may have had evaporated when they heard the security men pounding down the corridor. They bundled through the door, which closed just as the four security men came around the corner.

"Did you see two men come this way?" the lead man asked Angel.

"Yep, they went that way," he replied, pointing to the door. As the four carefully entered the room, Angel cocked them a salute and walked off.

"Hey! There's no one in here. Bring that guy back!" Two of the security men ran out of the room in pursuit of Angel. But, when they turned the corner he had taken, they found it deserted, with no sign of life at all.

Disclaimer: The characters of Jay and Silent Bob are the property of Kevin Smith. No copyright infringement is intended by their use.